Noodles and Beef

November 15th, 2017 Week 46 of 52

In this week's issue:


My first "print work"

UPS dropped off this enormous poster print from my photoshoot with Tim Palen. Beautiful archival quality paper, exceptional detail, I was speechless.


Embossed, 32pt cotton cover stock, probably milled in Icelandic paper fields by virgin redheads.

This is the first photo to come from the shoot. It's interesting seeing me from another person's perspective, the Tim Palen gaze. I definitely recognize his fascination with my round head.
This will join my wall of original erotic art in the guest bedroom. Just in time for family visiting during Thanksgiving.

Critical, but stable

When you subscribe to my newsletter I send you some frequently asked questions to help introduce you to my world. 

One of the most common questions I receive is about whatever I did to enhance my junk.  I used to pump, stretch, and do saline inflation, but eventually opted for an extremely dangerous body mod to make the size permanent: silicone.

When done right, it can be a really beautiful body modification, but free silicone is a very dangerous thing to have in your body.

The risk is extremely high and a misplaced injection almost always results in death.

I've watched silicone grow as a fetish over the past few years.  Each year, more people pick it up, and there are more accidents, infections, and deaths.  I have had acquaintances and friends die in pursuit of this fetish.  Its terrifying.

This week, one of my oldest friends had a mistake with his procedure.  He went to a clandestine lab with a high success rate, and ended up in the hospital. "Critical, but stable" was the latest report.  I am tremendously hopeful.

Why am I writing about this?

I no longer share information about this dangerous body mod because the risks are too great.  If you ask, I will ignore you.  I can't give that information in good conscious knowing the harm it can bring.  I hope that folks who read my newsletter will be a little more educated about it.

Tank and I fired our therapist

After a couple sessions with this latest therapist, tank and I felt he wasn't a good fit and fired him. 

We have a couple more to interview, but the appointments are pretty far out. In the meantime, tank had a date he wanted to take me on from last year: a glass blowing class. 

Its been on hold since he had abandoned me before we could do it...but we can do it now!

I was a little anxious.  I am still worried about getting hurt, so I purposefully limit our time together. To my surprise, the 3 hour class went by very quick. We were having a lot of fun. We made a glass pineapple, cherry, and pumpkins.
I'm quite proud of my pumpkin. Very festive. It'll make a timely decoration for Thanksgiving.
Its been 3 months since Tank asked if he could fix things. How are we doing?

3 Months Ago


Do I trust Tank?
No. 0/10

I don’t trust tank. If he can demonstrate honesty consistently this will build trust back.
Do I trust Tank?
Kinda. 2/10

Tank did something big recently: he tried to correct the lies he had been spreading about me after the breakup. I'm still very upset that tank methodically set out to destroy friendships by spreading hurtful lies about me...but, I was surprised that I felt that I trusted he was going to stop.  +2 points, I think?
Do I feel secure with Tank?
No. 0/10

I don’t feel secure with tank. This is a result of him abandoning me, so I think if he consistently demonstrates that he’s supportive and reliable, I should feel secure.
Do I feel secure with Tank?
No. 0/10

This is going to be difficult. I recently needed his help and my ask for support was rejected.  Tank told me he needed to be praised for keeping his promises...sigh. It felt like the same entitled behaviour from our past relationship.
Do I feel valued by Tank?
No. 0/10

I don’t feel valued by tank. This one is difficult. When tank tried to compromise with racists lobbing death threats at me, it made me feel like my life didn’t matter to him.
Do I feel valued by Tank?
Ehhh. 3/10

He is better at paying for his share, he hasn't stood me up, he has tried to make an effort. Still a long ways to go from feeling worthless with him.

So. Its an improvement. But, still a long ways to go. I have been struggling with reports of hurtful things he's said about me during the breakup. It makes the past pains feel brand new which makes it hard to forget and forgive. Hopefully this new therapist can give us some tips.

Thanksgiving Dad-Watch

Pictured above is last year's Thanksgiving menu.

Now that my biological sister is moving to Washington for college, my biological dad and step mom will be in town for Thanksgiving.  I extended an invitation for Turkey day, they accepted, and I have been planning for the last three months. IMAGINE how I felt when Dad texted me this:
"Hey Dylan, have you been doing *ANY* planning for this years thanksgiving dinner?"
Naw, dad. I was going to wing it. I'm only the most type-A person ever.

Last time I did Thanksgiving for Dad I made a sous vide turkey roulade with dark meat confit in duck fat and curry. The year before that I did a Mexican inspired menu with a two day mole, turkey tamales, and homemade churros.

Maybe Dad forgot I'm a meticulous planner. He forgot my wedding. Totally within the realm of possibility.

This year's contemporary take on the traditional Thanksgiving dinner will be imaginative, thoughtful, and unforgettable. I have already invested in two new cooking devices and I'm doing a trial run with friends a few days before.

I should probably ask them to bring a dessert though. I'm pretty terrible with sweets... 

I texted back an agenda and to hold for menus.  Dad counters with a group text to my step mom, sister, and I:
"Hey everyone ... since it’s all about the food let’s talk menu."
In what I'm interpreting as a power play fueled by Dad's loss of control, he's now trying to undermine my meticulously planned Thanksgiving by treating my menu like it's a discussion.

No. This is not a potluck-tocracy, but a dinner-tatorship.

I was going to send thoughtfully letter pressed menus detailing a cornucopia of Thanksgiving delights. BUT NOW I've decided to keep this year a surprise. He's just going to have to trust me.

One year I made him sous vide turkey. He didn't trust me and decided to make a backup, unbrined, turkey that he roasted spatchcock. SPATCHCOCK!!! It was exceptionally dry with texture like horsehair. My turkey was so god-damned moist and tender it tasted what I imagined father's approval would feel like.

Was it good for you too?

Thank you for reading!
Email me questions or comments here.

Want to change how you get these emails?

You can update your preferences or unsubscribe from this list.