Noodles and Beef

hairybearsbeardsbellies asks:
Question, what is your fav Pre-Workout drink?!

What’s a good pre-workout?

  • Makes you focused, alert, and improves performance. (Stimulants).
  • Preferentially sends blood to muscle tissue to help with recovery and give a good pump. (NO Boosters).

I used to use convenient powdered pre-workouts like hyper shock (highly recommended) or mesomorph (please don’t use, it was pulled by the FDA because it contained meth-like stimulants).  But, these things are just expensive formulations of stimulants and NO Boosters.  Its easier to just buy caffeine tablets, L-Arginine, Creatine, and drink beet juice.

Here’s my current pre-workout:

  • 1 cup of cold brew kona coffee (served black over ice).
  • 2.5mg of tadalafil

Coffee is super cheap and effective stimulant and tadalafil is an extremely potent NO booster with minimal side effects.  Tadalafil requires a prescription in America, but is a very popular black market drug. You should try to get it legally, but if you can’t, beet juice is a really good alternative.

Anonymous asks:
What is your opinion about shakeology?

I’ve added Shakeology to my protein comparison chart.

This stuff is stupid expensive and makes some weird claims about being vegan despite containing animal products.  Nevertheless, the pea protein lowers the bio-availability significantly.  

What does this mean? I could eat wagyuu beef (known for its taste and hefty price tag) for roughly the same cost and it would be a better value because more protein gets absorbed from beef than Shakeology.

Don’t waste your money.

taric25 asks:
My brother and I lift together, and his biggest complaint about the protein supplements that he used to take is that it felt like more work trying to eat protein, through shakes or bars, than his actual workout. I felt the same, to a lesser degree, until I discovered isopure, in the glass bottle. I mix it a fruit punch flavor of beef protein isolate, which he tried and loved. "It's like drinking a Gatorade, very refreshing!" What are your thoughts and recommendations?


Here we have that same chart I made yesterday, but now the bubbles are colour-coded and sized based on my tasting notes. The smaller and more green the bubble, the worse it tastes.  The bigger and more blue the bubble, the better it tastes.

You can play with the interactive chart here.

What do we learn from this chart?

  • Hydrolyzed Whey is the cheapest and best absorbed, but tastes so bad I want to barf every. single. time. that I drink it.  (Nevertheless, its still my primary source of protein).
  • Peanuts are the cheapest and best tasting source of protein, but kind of suck at bio-availability.
  • IsoPure tastes the best, but is so expensive that it becomes cost-prohibitive to use for building muscle.
  • Egg whites are the median for taste, price, and bio-availability.
3ouple asks:
Hey there! Wanted to ask you a quick question in regards to body building / protein powder. My goal (this is Dylan typing) is to get bigger/beefier. I've tried regular whey protein and beef protein powder, and I was curious which you think works better...

What protein works better?

Let’s define “better” as protein that best helps us achieve the goal of gaining muscle mass. We want to get as much protein into our bodies as possible, so we’ll need a protein with high bio-availability that is cheap enough to eat a lot of it.


Here is a chart comparing price per gram of protein vs the bio-availability index of that protein.  You can view an interactive version here.

Beef isolate is about average for price/gram, but has pretty poor bio-availability. I would not recommend it.  Try these instead:

Anonymous asks:
Could you give a chubby guy some information on supplements and or other things to help him look like your godliness? Preferably relatively easy on the wallet and available at national stores?

HIIT cardio, cyclical ketogenic diet, and weight training will help you lose weight. 

You shouldn’t rely on supplements to do the work for you.

But let’s say you did. 

Let’s say you wanted to lose weight without proper diet or exercise. How would you do that?

Disclaimer: this will kill you, do not do this.

The all chemical weight loss cocktail you shouldn’t try

  1. Ephedra + Caffeine + Asprin
    These work together to prolong and increase the thermogenic effects of ephedra. You can easily lose 20lbs on just this stack. It will ruin your liver and endocrine system forever.

  2. AOD9604 (GH fragment 176-191) 
    This is a synthetic growth hormone fragment that is 12-times better at regulating fat metabolism but without the adverse effects on insulin sensitivity or cell proliferation. It will give you cancer.

  3. T3 (Cytomel) + Clenbuterol
    T3 is the hormone your thyroid makes to increase your metabolism, it works synergistically with Clenbuterol (an asthma medicine) to max out your metabolism and increase fat lipolysis. Taking these together will make you lose weight. It will also destroy your heart.

It is really fascinating to me all the ways we have to get rid of fat cells and the calculated risk people take by doing so.  Your best bet is actually very simple (diet + exercise), but requires patience.

Supplemental Update

I’ve added two new things to my daily supplements:

My nootropic stack (supplements to improve mood, focus, and creativity) is currently:

Lets talk about that last one.

Piracetam reminds me of an eugeroic (wakefulness drug) I used to take that gave me anger spells, only instead of rage I’m feeling incredibly…sexual?  Lets look up the side effects on wikipedia:

Side effects include: Hyperkinesia, increased libido, and hyper sexuality.

Well then!  This explains my restless leg!  Hello, favourite new supplement.  Lets hope this one doesn’t break my heart like that other aphrodisiac.

Anonymous asks:
Hi, a while back I saw an ask which you answered which covered some "steroid" use...I really admire your physique and would like to achieve something close. I'm curious what you think, is that attainable 100% naturally? Thank you.

I’ve written a lot about my personal use of Performance Enhancing Drugs (PEDs) and legal supplements.

Let’s be clear: the supplements I take are legal, but I don’t consider what I’m doing natural.  I take 15g of Creatine daily, which is impossible if you relied on natural meat sources.  I think it would be very difficult to put on the mass I have without supplements.

Anonymous asks:
Are you doing something to enhance your bulge? It' looks big these days and yet I came across this image from nasty-pig-hogwash-during-my-visit-to-nyc-I which looks like it's from a different person. What gives?!

Actually, my package shrank because I was taking supplements that affected my natural hormone balance.  Once I stopped things returned to their normal size.

When steroids became controlled substances, supplement manufacturers started selling modified versions of the chemical that were just different enough to be considered legal supplements.  These “designer steroids” were typically pro-hormones…precursor molecules that your liver would convert into powerful steroids.

The American supplement industry is very poorly regulated.  I was aware of the side effects and legality of steroids, but was unaware that some of the supplements I was taking contained pro-hormones that my body converted into steroids.  Even my daily vitamin, Animal Pak, contained 4-androstenediol (4-AD), a pro-hormone that the liver converted into testosterone.

When I learned pro-hormones were just as bad for you as steroids, I stopped taking them immediately, but the damage had already been done.  My testosterone level was that of an 85-year-old man, I had no sex drive, and my balls had shriveled into raisins.

Thankfully, these side effects were temporary and easily reversed.  I restored my testosterone levels with legal supplements, experimented with drugs that overclocked my sex drive, and my balls are back to their original lemon size.

Pro-hormones were amended to the Controlled Substances Act in 2004, but the supplement industry is still very poorly regulated.  Many supplements still contain illegal and dangerous chemicals.  

  • In 2010, Consumer Reports found that Muscle Milk contained arsenic, cadmium, and lead in dangerous levels.
  • In 2012, was fined $7,000,000 for knowingly selling supplements that secretly contained steroids.  
  • In 2013, pre-workout drink Mesomorph was pulled from shelves for containing a stimulant similar to meth.

The lesson here is to research and test your supplements…or your package might shrink.

Anonymous asks:
Long time listener first time caller, seeing your post about how many times a day you have sex gave me a question if you don't mind answering. How do you fare in terms of production volume? I find going multiple times a day, or days on end usually, leaves me making a very minute amount eventually and I have to take a few days off if I want a "big load" again, do you have any similar problems, or tips for volume or anything regarding this?

I’ve written about it before when explaining my daily supplements, but check out L-Leucine.  I originally started taking it for the possible myostatin blocking effects, but it also seemed to double my semen production.  I take 1,000mg of L-Leucine twice a day (morning and night).  

Get it here.

jayteapea asks:
Hello Dylan! Long time listener first time caller here. I see you answer a lot of questions and love learning from you, as someone interested with D/S exploration I was wondering if you have advice or suggestions on boosting libido. I seem to have a higher sex drive than my boyfriend but I'm more on the submissive side, so I'm feelin a little...undersexed(is that a thing?) and like I'm not being sub-y enough? Thoughts? Pup input is welcomed too. :) PS Love you boys!

So you want to turn your partner into a sexual beast?

This isn’t a solution to your problem.  Its a story about how I maxed out my sex drive with some experimental drugs and eventually hospitalized myself.


Five years ago, I was a disappointing pup with no sex drive.

I’ve written about my low sex drive before.  I’m not asexual, but I’m definitely below average, and it made me unhappy that I couldn’t keep up with Mr January sexually.  I was reminded often how disappointing I was.

When my shortcomings ended our relationship, I became obsessed with my sex drive (or lack thereof) and started researching problems and solutions.


“You have the testosterone level of an 85-year-old man,” explained my doctor after a series of hormone panels confirmed my WebMD-fueled fears.  

But hormones are easily fixed.  I experimented with supplements that naturally increased (or restored) testosterone, eventually increasing my total testosterone to 210ten times my base!  I had better stamina, I was happier, but my sex drive was still lagging behind.

My problem wasn’t physical, it was mental.

I needed an aphrodisiac.


In 2006, scientists at University of Arizona created a drug that causes people to spontaneously tan by stimulating melanocortin receptors.  An injectable tanning agent.  Turns out these receptors also mediate sexual desire, and one of the side effects of this tanning agent was spontaneous arousal.

Afamelanotide was refined into metabolites that had less side effects, eventually resulting in Bremelanotide.

I found a lab that could produce the molecule for me, ran the resulting powder through mass spectrometry to confirm purity, and after six months of hunting I had it: the world’s first real aphrodisiac.

I took a while for me to feel anything.  I was worried it had denatured or my administration dose was incorrect…and then it hit me.


Everything was handsome.

The world had a soft, sexual glow to it.


Not just any boner.  On a scale of 1-to-10, this was a 30.  My entire body existed to fuck.  The mere sensation of my clothes rubbing against my skin put me on the edge of orgasm.  I wanted…no, I needed…to have sex.  My thoughts were short circuited, I had sexual tunnel vision.  I had incredible energy, I felt like I could fuck all night.  And I did.


Turns out Bremelanotide causes high blood pressure.  After a night in the ER, I had to retire the aphrodisiac.


It was still an incredibly enlightening experience having my sex drive maxxed out.  Therapeutic, even.  It allowed me to overcome my sexual block that kept me from submitting (thank you, alpha for your help), and showed me that my sex drive is a state of mind.  I’ve had a much healthier sexual appetite ever since.

Please, do not do this.  Your partner doesn’t need to be a sexual beast, you guys can explore other facets of sexuality without resorting to dangerous chemicals. 

In response to akbearcub posting his 32 pill supplement stack.

BEHOLD my 35 pill stack taken twice a day.

From left to right:

Not pictured: