I am your host, Noodles and Beef, and welcome to my blog. It's my creative dumping ground and journal. I post work from my photo projects, sketches from my notepad, and infographics from my research. Sometimes I write about my body dysmorphia but more often I post photos of my butt. I am in a D/s relationship with two wonderful pups. Your hair looks amazing today.

Anyway, thanks for reading my blog, I hope you enjoy it!

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Recent Posts Posts tagged questions

What are some small phrases/actions you say/do to assert your role over the pups?

Each pup has different triggers.

Some triggers are physical: nipples, butt, inner thigh, neck, ears…a little touch or a bit of force is all it takes to put my pups in place.  Usually I prefer to tease the physical triggers.  They’re more wired for sexy things.

Some triggers are mental: forced eye contact, certain words that have a conditioned meaning, direct commands…these are the most satisfying for me.  When my pups respond to a non-physical trigger, its a display of submission that lets me know they’re mine.  I don’t need to assert myself, they give on their own accord.

There are other, subtle formalities that are part of my pups’ submissive dialog.  From asking to be on the same level as me to anticipating my needs before I verbalize them, my pups don’t need me to assert myself over them.  Thats just for fun.

hey there how do u like acting looks like your having fun


Except for the exceptionally attractive cast and diablodivine (pictured here, the very handsome photographer for WTBA) “acting” really isn’t for me.

The environment was very relaxed.  We would rush to get ready for a shoot and sit around for a few hours while test shots happened and the scene was set.

It was too casual for me.  I thrive in high-stress, deadline driven environments, where I get to feed my ADHD dozens of tasks every hour.  I could never be an actor or model because the work seems too casual.

Of course, its probably because I had a very small role.  Its not like I got to draw upon the acting skills from my 6th grade theatre class.

Otherwise, it was very fun having this new experience.  I enjoyed myself a lot and am really looking forward to the first few episodes.

I’m just hoping my bits get edited out from the hot tub scene.

So has the tongue peek thing you do in 95% of your photos been with you all your life? How'd that little photo tradition start? Just curious as guys often have a staple face so people recognize them.


I didn’t always stick it out. Mr J (my boyfriend at the time) caught me doing it once and told me he loved when I stuck it out…and that encouraged the behavior enough that I stick it out all the time.

Did your new supplement audit post include your T-Stack?

No, I’m off my testosterone booster stack and anything that makes my BP get high.

I reviewed all the supplements I’m taking with my doc for drug interactions and had to remove ALA. It was making one of my medications to strong and resulted in some weird side effects.

Hence the need for supplement audit.

How did you and Chuck meet?


Thats me in the black dress shirt, thumbs out, being a dork.

I originally met Chuck on March 29th, 2008 at a birthday party; he was friends with the host who had hurriedly invited me over Bear411.  Recently single and eager to make gay friends, I took the train to SF wearing my nicest dress shirt (see above).

The party host quickly introduced me to everyone and thats when I met Chuck.  He was sandwiched between a few beefy asian guys, so its understandable he doesn’t remember 140-pound me meekly introducing myself.


My next interaction with Chuck was at the 440.  I was gogo dancing for charity, which took everything I was bad at and turned it into fund-raising: dancing, socializing, being at a bar.  (This photo is actually my second attempt at charitable gogo dancing a couple months later…don’t have any pics from the 440 that night).

I started talking up Chuck and I thought we had hit it off, so I gave him my contact info so we could hang out now that I lived in the city.

Chuck never contacted me, but we saw each other at mutual friends’ events so I tried to befriend him often.

Two years later, I went to ptown for the first time.  I got a room at the hostel with three other people and had no idea who I would run into or befriend at my first solo gay vacation.

Turns out Chuck was there with his beefy asian entourage.  I didn’t know anyone else so I hung around them a lot.  The last day of the trip, Chuck turned to me and said “You’re pretty cool, why don’t we hang out more in SF?”

I had been trying to befriend Chuck for, like, three years at this point.  So, I was like, “FINALLY.  YES.  LETS HANG OUT ALREADY.”  Chuck proceeds to ignore me for another 8 months.

For my 24th birthday, I booked a gay vacation in Cancun with my closest friend innerbear and my boyfriend at that time…so when I became single a month before Cancun, I offered Chuck my ex’s place.  

This was the vacation that we really connected as good friends.  After this trip, Chuck and I started hanging out on a regular basis.  Thats the very long history of how I met and befriended Chuck.

What type of jockstrap were you wearing in your latest progress update pic and were can I buy them?

I wrote about these recently in my very informative Jockstrap guide.  They’re the 2(x)ist Sliq Mesh Jockstrap (in orange) available for $18 from Amazon.

I have a 34” waist and wear a size XL in 2(x)ist, but the stretchy waist band if very accommodating.  They don’t have a ton of package space, but thats less of a concern if I’m wearing a fashion jock like these.

Highly recommended you get them with the matching mesh tank top.  They go together perfectly, great for athletic-themed gogo outfits when you dance.

I'm going to be sleeping with a couple and they want me to dominate them a bit, but I've traditionally been more of a sub. Any tips? Or any tips on dom-ing 2 guys in particular?

Disclaimer: I’m horrible at sexual advice because I can’t do hookups like everyone else.

You know what its like being a sub, now you’re trying to put these two guys into that headspace.  This is your advantage.  Do your research.  Find out what makes them feel submissive and exploit that trigger.

Just don’t over-plan things.

I’ve learned that I don’t enjoy planning scenes.  Instead, I prefer being spontaneous…it forces me to be creative and I feel like the scene is less forced.  (Thats why I keep quick restraints like these in my backpack).

My first three-way started out innocently with friends that were a couple.  We were just playing video games and then I ended up dominating them.  But, I think the odds were stacked in my favour: they were both bottoms, both shorter by three inches, I was roughly their combined weight, and their nickname for me was “Boss.”  It was easy to push them around.

This is before I knew anything about BDSM culture or that I was a Dom.  It all happened so spontaneously and organically.  It felt natural to me.

so chuck is going to become a sub?

imageI asked Chuck before posting.  I wanted to use a photo of him looking all subby, but every photo I have of Chuck has this very dominant vibe.

Just look at the guy.

He’s huge.  6’2” with 19-inch arms and a chest bigger around than I am tall…and thats how big he is cutting!  He plans on getting even bigger over the summer when he bulks.  He’s got a deep, commanding voice, penetrating green eyes, and he’s been called the Anna Wintour of his industry.  When Chuck travels, he is usually surrounded by his entourage of beefy asian guys.

Chuck is exploring his submissive side and I’m trying to help as best I can.  He’s my best friend; I want him to have a good experience and see how rewarding being a sub can be.

Stay tuned!

I'm stunned that at your age you have a maturity I don't expect from most people in their lifetimes. Mostly, I just admire your professional success and commitment to your body. Any advice on how a young otter can sift enough through his opportunities to find a real path and be successful?

Thank you. I wish there was a formula for success that I could share, but I really just have a wide set of interests and hobbies that makes it easy to like different kinds of work…being happy with your work is how I define success for me.

I interned for a green architect for three years. Obsessed with making things and engineering, I thought that was a natural career path.

…and now I work in User Experience. Big jump. All that matters is I’m doing what makes me happy.

Read more about my career path here and here.

Me. noodles and need, Where did you find that union suit with the butt opening! I have always wanted one and so far you're the only person I follow who got one that I want! Ps If and when I get one ill Dillon pose in it!

Thats the Nasty Pig Union Suit.  Used to be $109.95 from Mr S Leather, but it looks like they’re sold out.  Nasty Pig usually does short runs for its unique items, so once its sold out thats it.

But $100 is a lot to pay for pajamas.  You can get a very similar pair from Amazon for $36.

Mr beef where do you find good jockstraps?


The Noodles and Beef guide to jockstraps

Thanks for the question brjefrco.  As someone with big thighs, a big butt, and a lot of junk, traditional underwear leaves a lot to be desired.  Briefs make my legs fall asleep, boxers aren’t sexy looking, thongs are uncomfortable to wear all day.  Jockstraps are the answer.  They’re sexy and provide plenty of room for big butts and thighs.

There are a lot of different jocks out there.  Because of my proportions, I have unique needs and have become a jockstrap connoisseur; trying all jocks until I found the perfect, most flattering brand.

Here are my personal favourites for comfort and style:


Aussiebum WonderJock pro $15

Easily the best jockstrap I’ve ever owned.  90% of my underwear are Aussiebum jocks.  High quality, affordable, and plenty of package space.  Best of all?  There is a small pouch that hefts your junk outwards, making your package look even bigger.

★★★★★ 5/5 Buy it here →


DIESEL Jocky $9-$20

Extremely comfortable and a bit more stylish than the Aussiebum.  The smaller strap is more flattering under clothes (leaves a less obvious line).  However, make sure you hang dry when washing.  The elastic band curls under the heat of my dryer and I’ve already ruined a couple pairs by laundry negligence.

★★★★☆ 4/5 Buy it here →


Go Softwear Jockstrap $17

One of the first jockstraps I ever owned.  I have romantic memories trying it on at injeanious, Castro’s premier underwear store.  Its simple, uncomplicated, and provides ample package space.

★★★★☆ 4/5 Buy it here →

Honorable mention

2(x)ist Sliq Mesh Jockstrap $18

Very stylish, sexy, stretchy mesh.  Not a lot of package space, but the compromise is that the look good.

★★★☆ 3/5 Buy it here →

I have an analytics question for you. The primary topic of your blog seems to change based on different phases of your life. There have been periods focusing on lifting, creating the calendar, dieting, traveling, S&M and now your poly relationship. How have your readers responded to each topic (page views, visitors, time spent per visit, etc)? Which was the most/least popular?

To answer this question, I’ll be reviewing data from February 1st, 2013 to February 28th 2014.  I broke my analytics code in January, so there is some data missing (see the big dip in January).  Because my traffic has been growing so quickly, its hard to weigh “popular” types of posts outside of a one-year period.

Total unique visitors during this period:
24.3 million (noodlesandbeef.com only)

Top visited pages (33% of all traffic):

  1. noodlesandbeef.com
    This is not surprising. Its my homepage. 60% of visitors are return readers, they check my homepage for updates.
  2. noodlesandbeef.com/tagged/vanity
    Also not surprising. “Pics of me” is in the main navigation.
  3. noodlesandbeef.com/tagged/census
    My Gay Cliques Census drives a lot of traffic to my blog for people who want to read more about my research project.
  4. noodlesandbeef.com/post/15121342500/if-youd-like-to-generate-your-own-best-of-tumblr
    I made a simple tool that shows your most popular posts for the year.  It goes viral every New Years and drives insane traffic to my blog.
  5. Tag pages for videos, BDD, my butt, and gym advice
  6. noodlesandbeef.com/post/49341544854/can-you-explain-you-relationship
    I wrote a post explaining my D/s relationship with carnenchiladas. It went viral on Facebook and I have no idea why.
  7. noodlesandbeef.com/post/48870667100/how-do-you-make-your-bulge-pop-out-so-much-and-look
    I answered a question about making your package look bigger, and apparently thats all 16-year-old boys search for on google.  The post has been shared on teenager forums and gets surprising traffic.

Top posts by type (no order):

Hello there, I'm kind of shy and I just wanted to say that I like your blog a lot. I was wondering how you differentiate a pup from a slave/boy/sub, or are they all the same to you? I feel like I'm pretty submissive in bed and I would like someone like a Sir or something as a partner in the future, but I don't really like the dynamic of a Master/Slave relationship too much, so I'm not really sure what I would be or the kind of man I should consider being with.

I don’t subscribe to the old leather guard orthodoxy for titles and honorifics.  If it resonates with you, go with it.  Here’s a simple (not exhaustive) pick your own titles quiz for the burgeoning sub:

What makes you feel the most submissive?

  1. Boy
  2. Pup
  3. Slave
  4. Fag

Who has the most authority over you?

  1. Daddy
  2. Sir
  3. Boss
  4. Master

Some words have negative connotation associated with them.  For me, I hate the word slave and fag. Kills my boner faster than having my butt called a boy pussy.  

Some dominant titles, like Master, have immense authority…but, need to be earned through trust and respect with the Sub.  I had no problem addressing a Dom in a previous relationship as Sir, but as our relationship grew I realised he was more deserving of the title Master, and I longed to address him as such.

Its my own personal believe that you use whatever lingo makes you the most submissive feeling.  If “pup” resonates with you, go with it.

Nevertheless, all these terms have additional meaning in the leather community, so sometimes you might need to explain that you identify as a pup, but aren’t necessarily into pup play.  It just sounds sexier than being a slave.

If you want to know more about the traditional, Old Guard usage for these titles, foxbear has an excellent writeup here.

Where did you get your red suede loafers from?

My SWIMS red boat shoes aren’t suede, but rubber!  They’re designed to be worn in water, and after ruining several pairs of sandals at beach/lake/foam/cruise/pool dance parties, it seemed like a smart investment.

They’re expensive, but totally worth it.  Extremely durable and they instantly make you the classiest gay at any wet dance party.  I just feel so darn fancy wearing them with my red speedo.

Buy them here →

Hold on there, this is important.

Hi, I'm Noodles and Beef and welcome to my blog. How are you? Your hair looks great today. What's your secret? I think its important we get to know each other a little bit before you continue.

I've been updating this blog for over 13-years to help me remember and better appreciate my life experiences. I blog for my own benefit, so the content can be extremely personal and sometimes that makes people uncomfortable.

We just met, so I'm not sure what makes you uncomfortable.

You need to be at least 18-years-old to continue.

I agree