I am your host, Noodles and Beef, and welcome to my blog. It's my creative dumping ground and journal. I post work from my photo projects, sketches from my notepad, and infographics from my research. Sometimes I write about my body dysmorphia but more often I post photos of my butt. I am in a D/s relationship with two wonderful pups. Your hair looks amazing today.

Anyway, thanks for reading my blog, I hope you enjoy it!

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Have you ever been tested with regard to your IQ and such? Your very intelligent. I read your blog, mainly, for your witty/super intelligent postings.


I took a standardized IQ test when I was 21.  I don’t remember which one.  My favourite questions were the silly spatial ones, like turning a right-handed glove inside-out makes it a left-handed glove.

In the same way that the SATs aren’t an accurate representation of a student’s abilities, I don’t think IQ is an accurate metric for intelligence.  IQ tests don’t measure for Emotional Intelligence or creative ability, and are bias towards people with linguistic intelligence.

I did well on the test, but I wouldn’t call myself “intelligent” because these tests aren’t accurate measures of human intelligence as a whole.  It seems so arrogant to proclaim yourself “intelligent” because of a test score when there are so many other dimensions to human intelligence.

Photo is unrelated.

What is Chuck taking/eating that he gained 10 lbs in a week? Tell us the secrets!!!


Chuck is here, so he’ll answer your question:

Chuck says:

I have six gainer shakes a day.  

Yes, six.  One when I wake up, one before gym, after gym, with lunch, after work, and before bed.

I take Optimum Nutrition Pro Complex Gainer with two cups of 2% milk.  (Dylan note: together, thats 80g protein, 1,000 calories, 100g carbs)

For breakfast I eat Van’s Brown Rice Waffles.  Yeah.  Letsee, two of those.  And then.  Lunch and dinner are variable, but always include some sort of brown rice or quinoa.  Lotsa of protein and vegetables.  

And then I have snacks: cheese sticks, brie with brown rice crackers, and protein bars. And whole raw almonds.

Chuck edit #1:

Oops, forgot my supplements.  No steroids, I don’t take creatine because of the caffeine I drink, Magnum Nutraceuticals Primer, CoQ10, Fish Oil, and thats all that I’m really taking.

Oh, and pre-workout, No2 Booster like NOXPLODE.

Here’s my commentary:

Chuck has a very receptive body to weight training and diet.  He’s kind of a natural at gaining weight, which can be a double-edged sword.  He doesn’t require much chemical assistance, its all about diet.  So I’m putting him on a “clean bulk” diet.  He’s allowed to have complex carbs like quinoa or brown rice and dairy.  

That background in your latest outtake is making you look a lot smaller, it isn't doing you any justice...

Oh…maybe I should stop taking photos on horizontal lines.  Huh.

What are some small phrases/actions you say/do to assert your role over the pups?

Each pup has different triggers.

Some triggers are physical: nipples, butt, inner thigh, neck, ears…a little touch or a bit of force is all it takes to put my pups in place.  Usually I prefer to tease the physical triggers.  They’re more wired for sexy things.

Some triggers are mental: forced eye contact, certain words that have a conditioned meaning, direct commands…these are the most satisfying for me.  When my pups respond to a non-physical trigger, its a display of submission that lets me know they’re mine.  I don’t need to assert myself, they give on their own accord.

There are other, subtle formalities that are part of my pups’ submissive dialog.  From asking to be on the same level as me to anticipating my needs before I verbalize them, my pups don’t need me to assert myself over them.  Thats just for fun.

hey there how do u like acting looks like your having fun


Except for the exceptionally attractive cast and diablodivine (pictured here, the very handsome photographer for WTBA) “acting” really isn’t for me.

The environment was very relaxed.  We would rush to get ready for a shoot and sit around for a few hours while test shots happened and the scene was set.

It was too casual for me.  I thrive in high-stress, deadline driven environments, where I get to feed my ADHD dozens of tasks every hour.  I could never be an actor or model because the work seems too casual.

Of course, its probably because I had a very small role.  Its not like I got to draw upon the acting skills from my 6th grade theatre class.

Otherwise, it was very fun having this new experience.  I enjoyed myself a lot and am really looking forward to the first few episodes.

I’m just hoping my bits get edited out from the hot tub scene.

So has the tongue peek thing you do in 95% of your photos been with you all your life? How'd that little photo tradition start? Just curious as guys often have a staple face so people recognize them.


I didn’t always stick it out. Mr J (my boyfriend at the time) caught me doing it once and told me he loved when I stuck it out…and that encouraged the behavior enough that I stick it out all the time.

Did your new supplement audit post include your T-Stack?

No, I’m off my testosterone booster stack and anything that makes my BP get high.

I reviewed all the supplements I’m taking with my doc for drug interactions and had to remove ALA. It was making one of my medications to strong and resulted in some weird side effects.

Hence the need for supplement audit.

How did you and Chuck meet?


Thats me in the black dress shirt, thumbs out, being a dork.

I originally met Chuck on March 29th, 2008 at a birthday party; he was friends with the host who had hurriedly invited me over Bear411.  Recently single and eager to make gay friends, I took the train to SF wearing my nicest dress shirt (see above).

The party host quickly introduced me to everyone and thats when I met Chuck.  He was sandwiched between a few beefy asian guys, so its understandable he doesn’t remember 140-pound me meekly introducing myself.


My next interaction with Chuck was at the 440.  I was gogo dancing for charity, which took everything I was bad at and turned it into fund-raising: dancing, socializing, being at a bar.  (This photo is actually my second attempt at charitable gogo dancing a couple months later…don’t have any pics from the 440 that night).

I started talking up Chuck and I thought we had hit it off, so I gave him my contact info so we could hang out now that I lived in the city.

Chuck never contacted me, but we saw each other at mutual friends’ events so I tried to befriend him often.

Two years later, I went to ptown for the first time.  I got a room at the hostel with three other people and had no idea who I would run into or befriend at my first solo gay vacation.

Turns out Chuck was there with his beefy asian entourage.  I didn’t know anyone else so I hung around them a lot.  The last day of the trip, Chuck turned to me and said “You’re pretty cool, why don’t we hang out more in SF?”

I had been trying to befriend Chuck for, like, three years at this point.  So, I was like, “FINALLY.  YES.  LETS HANG OUT ALREADY.”  Chuck proceeds to ignore me for another 8 months.

For my 24th birthday, I booked a gay vacation in Cancun with my closest friend innerbear and my boyfriend at that time…so when I became single a month before Cancun, I offered Chuck my ex’s place.  

This was the vacation that we really connected as good friends.  After this trip, Chuck and I started hanging out on a regular basis.  Thats the very long history of how I met and befriended Chuck.

What type of jockstrap were you wearing in your latest progress update pic and were can I buy them?

I wrote about these recently in my very informative Jockstrap guide.  They’re the 2(x)ist Sliq Mesh Jockstrap (in orange) available for $18 from Amazon.

I have a 34” waist and wear a size XL in 2(x)ist, but the stretchy waist band if very accommodating.  They don’t have a ton of package space, but thats less of a concern if I’m wearing a fashion jock like these.

Highly recommended you get them with the matching mesh tank top.  They go together perfectly, great for athletic-themed gogo outfits when you dance.

I'm going to be sleeping with a couple and they want me to dominate them a bit, but I've traditionally been more of a sub. Any tips? Or any tips on dom-ing 2 guys in particular?

Disclaimer: I’m horrible at sexual advice because I can’t do hookups like everyone else.

You know what its like being a sub, now you’re trying to put these two guys into that headspace.  This is your advantage.  Do your research.  Find out what makes them feel submissive and exploit that trigger.

Just don’t over-plan things.

I’ve learned that I don’t enjoy planning scenes.  Instead, I prefer being spontaneous…it forces me to be creative and I feel like the scene is less forced.  (Thats why I keep quick restraints like these in my backpack).

My first three-way started out innocently with friends that were a couple.  We were just playing video games and then I ended up dominating them.  But, I think the odds were stacked in my favour: they were both bottoms, both shorter by three inches, I was roughly their combined weight, and their nickname for me was “Boss.”  It was easy to push them around.

This is before I knew anything about BDSM culture or that I was a Dom.  It all happened so spontaneously and organically.  It felt natural to me.

so chuck is going to become a sub?

imageI asked Chuck before posting.  I wanted to use a photo of him looking all subby, but every photo I have of Chuck has this very dominant vibe.

Just look at the guy.

He’s huge.  6’2” with 19-inch arms and a chest bigger around than I am tall…and thats how big he is cutting!  He plans on getting even bigger over the summer when he bulks.  He’s got a deep, commanding voice, penetrating green eyes, and he’s been called the Anna Wintour of his industry.  When Chuck travels, he is usually surrounded by his entourage of beefy asian guys.

Chuck is exploring his submissive side and I’m trying to help as best I can.  He’s my best friend; I want him to have a good experience and see how rewarding being a sub can be.

Stay tuned!

I'm stunned that at your age you have a maturity I don't expect from most people in their lifetimes. Mostly, I just admire your professional success and commitment to your body. Any advice on how a young otter can sift enough through his opportunities to find a real path and be successful?

Thank you. I wish there was a formula for success that I could share, but I really just have a wide set of interests and hobbies that makes it easy to like different kinds of work…being happy with your work is how I define success for me.

I interned for a green architect for three years. Obsessed with making things and engineering, I thought that was a natural career path.

…and now I work in User Experience. Big jump. All that matters is I’m doing what makes me happy.

Read more about my career path here and here.

Me. noodles and need, Where did you find that union suit with the butt opening! I have always wanted one and so far you're the only person I follow who got one that I want! Ps If and when I get one ill Dillon pose in it!

Thats the Nasty Pig Union Suit.  Used to be $109.95 from Mr S Leather, but it looks like they’re sold out.  Nasty Pig usually does short runs for its unique items, so once its sold out thats it.

But $100 is a lot to pay for pajamas.  You can get a very similar pair from Amazon for $36.

Mr beef where do you find good jockstraps?


The Noodles and Beef guide to jockstraps

Thanks for the question brjefrco.  As someone with big thighs, a big butt, and a lot of junk, traditional underwear leaves a lot to be desired.  Briefs make my legs fall asleep, boxers aren’t sexy looking, thongs are uncomfortable to wear all day.  Jockstraps are the answer.  They’re sexy and provide plenty of room for big butts and thighs.

There are a lot of different jocks out there.  Because of my proportions, I have unique needs and have become a jockstrap connoisseur; trying all jocks until I found the perfect, most flattering brand.

Here are my personal favourites for comfort and style:


Aussiebum WonderJock pro $15

Easily the best jockstrap I’ve ever owned.  90% of my underwear are Aussiebum jocks.  High quality, affordable, and plenty of package space.  Best of all?  There is a small pouch that hefts your junk outwards, making your package look even bigger.

★★★★★ 5/5 Buy it here →


DIESEL Jocky $9-$20

Extremely comfortable and a bit more stylish than the Aussiebum.  The smaller strap is more flattering under clothes (leaves a less obvious line).  However, make sure you hang dry when washing.  The elastic band curls under the heat of my dryer and I’ve already ruined a couple pairs by laundry negligence.

★★★★☆ 4/5 Buy it here →


Go Softwear Jockstrap $17

One of the first jockstraps I ever owned.  I have romantic memories trying it on at injeanious, Castro’s premier underwear store.  Its simple, uncomplicated, and provides ample package space.

★★★★☆ 4/5 Buy it here →

Honorable mention

2(x)ist Sliq Mesh Jockstrap $18

Very stylish, sexy, stretchy mesh.  Not a lot of package space, but the compromise is that the look good.

★★★☆ 3/5 Buy it here →

Hold on there, this is important.

Hi, I'm Noodles and Beef and welcome to my blog. How are you? Your hair looks great today. What's your secret? I think its important we get to know each other a little bit before you continue.

I've been updating this blog for over 13-years to help me remember and better appreciate my life experiences. I blog for my own benefit, so the content can be extremely personal and sometimes that makes people uncomfortable.

We just met, so I'm not sure what makes you uncomfortable.

Thats why you need to be at least 18-years-old to continue...and if it makes you uncomfortable, just stop reading my blog, okay?

I agree