I am your host, Noodles and Beef, and welcome to my blog. It's my creative dumping ground and journal. I post work from my photo projects, sketches from my notepad, and infographics from my research. Sometimes I write about my body dysmorphia but more often I post photos of my butt. I am in a D/s relationship with three wonderful pups. Your hair looks amazing today.

Anyway, thanks for reading my blog, I hope you enjoy it!

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While certainly not appropriate at the office, why would "packagey" shorts be acceptable at the gym? Its great that you comfortable with your body but do you really think its appropriate to wear that kind of clothing when people are trying to work out?
Anonymous

I get the impression you’ve never worked out at a gay gym before.

I’m dressed modestly for a gay gym.

Since I can’t take photos, here is a list of things I have seen people wear at a gay gym:

Were you a pup during 2010-2011? I see you are wearing a lock in the pic of those years.
sflabears

The dates are a little off, but yes, I’ve had the privilege of being in service a couple times.  Even got to wear a collar.

I will never be able to earn his collar, but part of me will always belong to him.

Sigh.

There’s an alternate reality (we’ll call it Earth 11) where I did earn his collar.  I’m a good pup and I get to show him everyday how grateful I am to serve him.  He would want for nothing and that would be my happiness.

I’ll visit Earth 11 when I’m feeling subby or nostalgic.  Its comforting until I clutch that empty space where a padlock should rest.

Our relationship is different, better, but I still get that submissive ache now and then.

What made you leave corporate America?
royaltc

image

See the poster behind me?  Its the Holstee Manifesto, and it goes like this (I’ve bolded my favourite lines):

This is your life. Do what you want and do it often.
If you don’t like something, change it.
If you don’t like your job, quit.
If you don’t have enough time, stop watching TV.
If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love.
Stop over-analysing, life is simple.
All emotions are beautiful.
When you eat, appreciate every last bite.
Life is simple.
Open your heart, mind and arms to new things and people, we are united in our differences.
Ask the next person you see what their passion is and share your inspiring dream with them.
Travel often; getting lost will help you find yourself.
Some opportunities only come once, seize them.
Life is about the people you meet and the things you create with them, so go out and start creating.
Life is short, live your dream and wear your passion.

I’ve had the privilege of working for some very large companies.  The pay was good, consistent, and my work has been seen by millions of people.  At least once a week I’ll see something I brought to life or talk to someone who has used a product I worked on.  Its wonderful.

Wonderful…but somehow unfulfilling.

Me, a year ago.

I was catching up with an old colleague from evil-media-corporation and she was telling me about her new project.  It was a non-profit focused on immigration and education reform in America, and they were going to achieve their lofty goals using technology.  They just needed a Dylan.

I wasn’t ready to leave my big-tech-corp gig, so I started freelancing for a few months before making up my mind and going full-time with the non-profit.

It was a good move.  I’ve been more productive at the non-profit in six months than I was at big-tech-corp in three years.  The first project I launched went viral, got a write-up in the Guardian, featured on telemundo fox, and was used by celebrities like Ashton Kutcher, Adrian Grenier, Chris Tucker, Jared Leto, and dozens more.

@zantielzeno asks:

Hello! Love your blog and I have a question for you, I’m just starting my role as a pet and wondering if you had possibly created a basic guide to what a pet should have? Like maybe a wish list full of suggested items on eBay or the likes? Thanks for reading this anyways :3

You don’t need anything to be a pet, sub, Dom, whatever.  Thats silly.  Expensive gear is an accessory to your sexuality, not a prerequisite. 

Nevertheless, gear is sexy and can help get you into that headspace by making you more confident in your role.  Here are some outfits to get you started:

The lil’ pup look

Sporty meets eager in this hot jock-inspired sub look that will score any coach.  Strip down to just the jock for a more extreme look.

The Master Look

Who says Dom’s can’t have fun? The Mr S Leather suspenders converts into a harness for when you go out and convenient phone/flogger holster means one less thing for your boy to hold.

The Big Pup look

Bulldog in the streets, big puppy in the sheets.  Subtle BDSM-inspired accessories turns your dull office look into kinky boardroom bulldog.

So your the master? Are you real dominent are strict? You kinda look cute silly and goffy, it's hard to see you being a "master" like other people mean it as pushy controlling my way or the high way kind of person that only cares about what they want. Are you like that?
growingcub

Yes, I’m very silly.

Contrary to our portrayal in porn and media, Doms aren’t all pushy egomaniacs.  My partners’ needs are my needs and I do my best to keep our powerexchange-based relationship healthy.  foxbear says it best in this excerpt on his piece about surrender:

Contrary to popular portrayal of “Masters” and their “slaves” (mostly in porn), where Masters are all swaggering egomaniacs bent on crushing their pitiful slaves into a humiliating and degrading submission for a brief time before fucking their brains out, most Masters of my acquaintance are fairly humble people, and their ego is FAR removed from their ownership of slaves. Good Masters whom I know and respect take their responsibility for their slaves so seriously, view the gift of their total surrender and trust as so precious and awe-inspiring that they are humbled to their core by it, and respond accordingly, taking up and shouldering that responsibility with a kind of egoless symbiotic purity of need meeting need. A good and well-balanced Master/slave relationship is a beautiful thing to watch and see in motion. 

Read the entire piece here.

Also recommended reading: Practical BDSM for everyday relationships.

I'm a little confused about your arrangement (in a curiosity way, not in a don't do that way - that would be icky), so who is engaged and how many of you are together? *confused* And also what's a penis birthmark? Ps you are SO SO handsome. So are all the guys you post <3
Anonymous

Guess its time to do a family tree.

I’m the Dom to three collared subs: big pup, lil pup, and alpha pup.  They address me as Master and I call them my pups.  (Though, by old guard definition they’re closer to slaves, but we don’t like that word).  I also have friends who are subs or identify as pup but our relationship is non-sexual.

My pups start with a training collar, then earn my full collar, and after they fulfil a year contract I can consider them for my brand.

And some time after big pup earned my brand, I proposed to him.

Everyone does power exchange or D/s relationships a little differently.  I don’t think I’ve ever written it all out, so I hope this helps.

…Whats a penis birthmark?  Its a very small dot of slightly darker skin that is on (surprise) the penis.

I just read the 3D projection mapping thing... Who are you getting to do that? What playback? Also what will it be mapped to? Do you know any of those specifics?
lessdanthree

I’ve hired THREE to do the 3D projection mapping for our wedding.  He’s the incredible talent behind the projection mapping at MAGNITUDE, REAL BAD, and PLAY:

We’ll be using video footage from the photoshoot for projections on the walls, and I’m also working with him to create a dynamic DJ booth wedding altar.  Behold:

image

Left is a booth at Ruby Skye (venue for our wedding circuit party), and Right is DJ Kitty Glitter’s DJ Booth at Guvernment, Toronto.

I was inspired by DJ Kitty Glitter’s spaceship at Toronto Pride.  Instead of your standard wedding altar, ours would be the DJ Booth, wrapped in a psychedelic kaleidoscope of orgasmic colours and patterns.  Watch a video of this in action here.

We’re also going to project video onto columns surrounding the upper floor to create a dynamic architecture for the dance that changes throughout the night.  Here’s what it looks like as a blank canvas:

Its going to be epic.

If given the chance to magically change your sexual orientation, would you want to be straight?
Anonymous

Be straight?  Pffft.  No way!

I’m 27-years into my gay life and am finally comfortable/adjusted with things.  I can’t imagine flipping the sexual orientation switch one night and having to learn the elaborate social dance of being straight.

However…I would consider being straight if I could start from birth in an alternate reality where I get to live all my gay life events as a straight man…including being in a D/s relationship with my pups.  Or, in straight world, my kittens:

Meet gender-swap big pup: Danielle.  Think a busty ESL latina, like Sofía Vergara in Modern Family, only she runs restaurants.

Then there’s lil pup: Chandelier.  Imagine Emma Roberts playing a hyper-affectionate, clumsy, know-it-all.

And alpha (mister editor in chief) is actually the gender-swap version of Miranda Priestly.

Yeah, I think I could be happy with that life.

Purified water, or natural spring water?
babybear337

Spring water.  Purified water is bad for you.

I know you didn’t ask, but my favourite water is San Francisco tap water.

Its amazing.  Has this real watery kick that normal water lacks.

Do you tend to go for/ attracted to guys with similar build to you, or is it mix and match?
deadfvcr

Here are some of the bodies I’ve been in a relationship with:

As you can see, I’ve been with all kinds of bodies.  I’m physically attracted to a certain kind of guy, but have never limited myself to that as I’m most attracted to innocence.  If you look closely, you’ll see none of these bodies are similar to my look.  (Or at least, not how I think I look).

It was nice meeting you guys this weekend! It was a blast and thanks a million times more for the ticket to Falcon. :) Would you be willing to send me the selfie you took of you and I so I can post it or if you post it I can just reblog? :)
hamulousayden

Sorry for not posting sooner, it was awesome getting to meet you and dance together at BMB!

What is that singlet you're wearing in the twister photos?
wedgekun

This is the Bard Singlet by Rufskin.

Its replacing my (now 8-years-old and falling apart) Nasty Pig singlet that I usually wear.

They’re nearly identical.  Same material, similar cut, except the Bard Singlet has an asymmetrical mesh swish that contours your midsection.  This helps accentuate your curves (and rump) better than the Nasty Pig version.  Highly recommended.

Buy it here.

When you and your pups have sex, how does it go? Meaning is it everyone or do you at with them individually. I don't want to piss you off, I'm just curious
royaltc

image

Totally valid question as the mechanics of group sex are very complicated, thank you for asking.

Here are my favourite positions with names I’ve made up:

  1. SERVICE
    A pup on each nipple and one on my cock.  Easy, hands free, very enjoyable. (pictured here)

  2. THE LINE UP
    Each pup presents their rump and I just go down one at a time till they’re each filled up. (pictured here)

  3. HIKING
    Lil pup, Alpha, and I go for a hike while big pup plays video games at home. (pictured here)
Message from Marcus B:

hi, I discovered your blog a few weeks ago and completely smitten, not sure whether i prefer the hunky pups or the amazing food you guys eat! Anyway, I was reading your post on how to handle pups that were larger than you and wondered whether you had any other tips, I&#8217;m a totally submissive cub but the only problem I have is being 6&#8217;2 and built really naturally big, as in shoulders that fill a doorway and this really intimidates a lot of doms, do you have any suggestions for anything that I could do or ways a top could handle me better? Id really appreciate it and keep up the awesome work with this blog!

My last post was all about how a Dom can get a bigger partner to submit, but it required previous interaction and trust. Let&#8217;s look at it from the big sub&#8217;s perspective:
How can a bigger sub attract the attention of a Dom?
Even after dominating my alpha pup, he will stand up to his full 6&#8217;2&#8221; height and I can&#8217;t help but feel intimidated.  The issue is social programming: bigger guys are seen as more Dominant because of their relative size difference with everyone shorter.  
An experienced Dom can pick up on your submissive cues regardless of size or other physical markers of dominance. But, you can help make this easier by expressing your submissive side more obviously:
Dress the part

I&#8217;m not saying you should go out dressed like a sexy kitten maid, but there are accessories that can help indicate your submissive role.  Harnesses, collars (no lock), bondage inspired jewelry, sometimes even the right hankey can flag your desired role.
These suggestions won&#8217;t work for everyone.  Ultimately, you should wear something that resonates with you.  If you feel sexy in a jockstrap, wear it.
Know your submissive cues


Submissive cues aren&#8217;t universal, but there are certain behaviours that signal to me someone is more submissively inclined.  Avoiding eye contact, keeping head down, asking for permission, being overly courteous, polite, respectful, and addressing me as &#8220;Sir&#8221; are hard to miss signs.
Reflect on your own submissive dialog and speak that&#8230;if you feel being submissive means carrying someone&#8217;s bag or bringing them a drink, do that.  It&#8217;ll help attract a Dom who is compatible with your needs.

Message from Marcus B:

hi, I discovered your blog a few weeks ago and completely smitten, not sure whether i prefer the hunky pups or the amazing food you guys eat! Anyway, I was reading your post on how to handle pups that were larger than you and wondered whether you had any other tips, I’m a totally submissive cub but the only problem I have is being 6’2 and built really naturally big, as in shoulders that fill a doorway and this really intimidates a lot of doms, do you have any suggestions for anything that I could do or ways a top could handle me better? Id really appreciate it and keep up the awesome work with this blog!

My last post was all about how a Dom can get a bigger partner to submit, but it required previous interaction and trust. Let’s look at it from the big sub’s perspective:

How can a bigger sub attract the attention of a Dom?

Even after dominating my alpha pup, he will stand up to his full 6’2” height and I can’t help but feel intimidated.  The issue is social programming: bigger guys are seen as more Dominant because of their relative size difference with everyone shorter.  

An experienced Dom can pick up on your submissive cues regardless of size or other physical markers of dominance. But, you can help make this easier by expressing your submissive side more obviously:

Dress the part

I’m not saying you should go out dressed like a sexy kitten maid, but there are accessories that can help indicate your submissive role.  Harnesses, collars (no lock), bondage inspired jewelry, sometimes even the right hankey can flag your desired role.

These suggestions won’t work for everyone.  Ultimately, you should wear something that resonates with you.  If you feel sexy in a jockstrap, wear it.

Know your submissive cues

Submissive cues aren’t universal, but there are certain behaviours that signal to me someone is more submissively inclined.  Avoiding eye contact, keeping head down, asking for permission, being overly courteous, polite, respectful, and addressing me as “Sir” are hard to miss signs.

Reflect on your own submissive dialog and speak that…if you feel being submissive means carrying someone’s bag or bringing them a drink, do that.  It’ll help attract a Dom who is compatible with your needs.

HELP!! Hey Dylan I need your help, i really really REALLY want to buy a camera but I don't want to spend so much. Do you know of a good affordable camera that takes good pictures but won't make my bank account die of starvation?
pup-brutus

Oh boy, something I’m good at: buying cameras.

I’m a firm believer that the best camera is the one you have on you, so my gear usually favours portability over performance.

Noodles and Beef’s camera guide

image

$100-$200 range

My first camera was a Panasonic Lumix DMC-TZ5.  Bought it from Costco at the recommendation of wooferstl when I was starting my 365 project.  Its a great introductory camera with excellent auto controls and a small, portable size that makes shooting easy.

See my Lumix photos here or Buy it here.

$200-$400 range

My first DSLR (bigger sensor, better photos, more manual control) camera was a Olympus E-PL1. It was horrible. I spent a lot of time after returning it researching DSLR cameras before settling on the SONY NEX-5.  Its been my camera of choice for the last four years.  The photo quality is amazing and being able to edit RAW photos really expanded my hobby.

See my NEX-5 photos here or Buy it here ~$400 (used for $200).

$$$MONEY IS NO OBJECT

After years of slowly trading up, I’ve finally got myself a full frame camera, the SONY A7R.  I’ve only had mine for a couple days, but am loving using such an advanced camera.

See my A7R photos here or buy it here ~$2,200


Hold on there, this is important.

Hi, I'm Noodles and Beef and welcome to my blog. How are you? Your hair looks great today. What's your secret? I think its important we get to know each other a little bit before you continue.

I've been updating this blog for over 13-years to help me remember and better appreciate my life experiences. I blog for my own benefit, so the content can be extremely personal and sometimes that makes people uncomfortable.

We just met, so I'm not sure what makes you uncomfortable.

Thats why you need to be at least 18-years-old to continue...and if it makes you uncomfortable, just stop reading my blog, okay?


I agree