I am your host, Noodles and Beef, and welcome to my blog. It's my creative dumping ground and journal. I post work from my photo projects, sketches from my notepad, and infographics from my research. Sometimes I write about my body dysmorphia but more often I post photos of my butt. I am in a D/s relationship with three wonderful pups. Your hair looks amazing today.

Anyway, thanks for reading my blog, I hope you enjoy it!

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How do you render Chuck pub helpless if I may ask? Just for future encounters with alpha pubs like him.

Alpha pup Chuck is nearly twice my size: he’s a head taller than me, nearly 300lbs, and lifts more than I do in every workout.  His physically dominant presence is accentuated by his deep, authoritative voice and an intimidatingly sharp mind.  He’s the alpha in the office, the Anna Wintour of his industry, and when not working he travels with an entourage of beefy asian guys.

How do you render such a dominant man into a helpless pup?

Trustr and a little physical force.

I picked up on Chuck’s submissive side the night we first met, but it was clear he was very guarded.  A lifetime of social conditioning forcing him into a dominant role because of his size gave him a lot of submissive shame; he didn’t feel it was alright to submit or give up control as a man.

As our friendship grew and trust was earned, I learned his submissive triggers were based around making him (a very dominant person) feel powerless.  It started as gently as pulling him towards me by his backpack straps.  He lost his balance and fell into my arms, the sudden disorientation snapped him into his submissive headspace.

Because of his size, I have to resort to the principles of kuzushi, or “breaking balance,” to use his size against him and make him powerless.  From standing, I can tug him off balance and slam him into a nearby wall or into the ground.  From there I can easily pin him with just my body weight.  He’s completely helpless and powerless in two seconds.  And he loves it.

Next time you encounter an alpha type pup or sub, pay attention to their submissive cues.  Do they respond to you being more aggressive?  Then maybe you need to pin them down and tie them up.

Ok this may sound silly but I'm just trying to understand your latest question response. You say that your pups get bigger and get piercing body modifications that way you feel like they are yours, but what do you do to make them feel like they are yours as well? Does each pup have their own I guess you can say "piece" of you that varies from pup to pup?

Big pup getting my brand tattooed on his lower back, read his post about it here.

My pups push themselves bigger, get pierced, and tattooed to feel like they’re mine, not the other way around.  These changes and modifications are symbolic of our relationship, that my pups are mine and they must earn that privilege every day.

They always aspire to be and give more for their Master.  My pups are loyal to a flaw and unrelenting in their desire to make me happy…thats how I know they’re mine.

The only “piece” that varies from pup to pup is how I engage them.  

Each pup has different triggers and needs.  I can put big pup in subspace with just eye contact, but Chuck needs me to render him helpless before he breaks.

Despite your three pups being incredibly sexy I can't help but notice all three have nipple barbells. Is this something you encouraged as their Master?


Pierced nipples is just one of the body mods I encourage my pups to get.


Other body mods include gauged ears, septum (bull ring), labret, PA, and (the ultimate) my brand tattooed on the lower back.


I also push my pups to grow bigger.

My pups don’t recognize themselves before they met me.  They’re pierced, inked, bigger, collared…they’re mine and they have the marks to show it.

Is your life as perfect as you make it out to be?

Its all in the eyes of the beholder, anon.  I think my life is pretty awesome, but its not without negative parts:

Again, its all in the eyes of the beholder.  I’m aware of the things in my life that aren’t “perfect” and am actively working to make them better so I can be a better person.

But what is “perfect” without some struggle?  I couldn’t appreciate the good parts of my life if it weren’t for the bad ones.

@lessdanthree replied to your post: Venue has been secured for the wedding…

ugh please have a good lighting designer that can use those VLs for more than flash n trash even if it is for the reception…

Only the best for my wedding.

I have the incredible privilege to have William Brown (pictured above) my all-time favourite lighting/producer working on my wedding.  I’ve been a fan of his work for years.  

Lighting designers are the unspoken hero of parties.  We get so blinded by headline DJs and performers, but Will’s work outshines everything.  I vividly remember being captivated by his lasers last pride; the lights made the party for me.

He’s a consummate professional…my brief conversations with him have been very inspiring.  His enthusiasm is contagious and I can’t wait to collaborate.

Love your blog man. I think it is amazing that you're giving a community that may not have any awareness into sub/dom relationships, such a poignant insight, and are so open. My question, will you ever take us deeper into the sexual aspect of your sub/dom relationship? There is such care involved between you and your pups. I would love an insight into how that evolves during the sexual aspect while you retain your dominance.

Thank you!  So glad you like my blog :D

BDSM is a challenging subject for the uninitiated, and a normal scene might look abusive if you don’t know what’s going on.  We tried writing about it in the past, but it attracted some negative attention from people unfamiliar with how a scene works.

Furthermore, I think the romantic intimacy of “sex” is something sacred between my pups and I.

For those reasons, I don’t publically write about the sexual aspect of our relationship. I might post vague photos, but writing is probably not going to happen maybe.

Is lil pup not wearing a collar in that skype call?!? What happened!?!

He was having an allergic reaction so I’ve removed it until we find a material that doesn’t burn his skin.

Poor lil pup.  :(

Can you justify using a facial product with ingredients from a one endangered now extinct animal? Call me rude but it seems rather self absorbed and shitty to not use an alternative or go without.

Ah, you’re referring to that joke I wrote about what face lotion I use:

The animal my lotion is made from went extinct, so I bought enough bottles to last me till I’m 30. When I run out, I’ll probably use something unscented. (Unless they cure puffy eyes in the future, then I won’t need lotion).

Original post here.

The joke is a riff on the ribwich episode of Simpsons:

The last stop of the Ribwich’s tour was in San Francisco, where Krusty the Clown appeared in person and announced that the Ribwich would not be made anymore, as the unnamed animal whose meat was used for the burger had become extinct.

Its a joke.  I made a joke about my amazing face lotion being discontinued.  And it isn’t the first time I’ve joked about it being discontinued.  I’ve also joked it was pulled for being too powerful, addicting, and ironically causes the skin cancer it was designed to prevent.  My facial lotion is L’Oreal Men Expert Hydra engergetic Moisturiser.

Sadly, L’Oreal has reintroduced the lotion with a new package design. So I can’t joke about it anymore.

I have to know where those nautical swim suits came from? Especially yours and chuck pups... Thank you --AB

The swimsuits are all from Pistol Pete.  They rotate styles often, but always seem to have a couple nautical themed swimsuits.

I’m wearing the Nautilus Brief, my friends and pup Chuck are all wearing the (discontinued) Nautical Midcut.  Just keep an eye out on amazon, sometimes the old styles pop up.

Unrelated, but my tiny captain hat was $4 on Amazon.  The boys brought their own sailor caps.

I don't know how you do it, Noodles! My Sir only has two pups (me and my pupbrother), and we already run him ragged. Three whole puppies; how are you gonna have time to breathe?! (But in all seriousness congrats to you and you're whole pack, you guys are all fantastic/inspiring) --JA

Heh, thanks pup, you flatter me.

The first time I brought both pups to subspace together I felt like I leveled up as a Dom.  The usual “buzz” feeling I get when being dominant went from a heady feeling to overwhelming and intoxicating.  I just wanted more and more…I felt greedy in a way I had never experienced before.  I wanted to use my pups again and again, but I just couldn’t be satisfied. It only seemed to drive me deeper, more animalistic, rougher.

…anyway.  I think I’m just extra wired for it; my pups end up getting worn out much sooner than I do.

Why does Chuck not want to be a master instead of a pup? He's MASSIVE and dominant appearing. It all seems so backwards. You're small and not intimidating at all. Seems like you should be the submissive one.

That’s why it’s so hot!

And it’s not just Chuck. All my pups are huge, beefy, hyper masculine, well educated, successful, and typically cast as dominant types.

Then there’s me. Awkward, small, shy, with hundreds of photos of my butt yelling “he’s a bottom” to the internet.

And yet…these beefy guys ache to submit to me? They literally beg for me to use them.

The extreme juxtaposition of their size and masculinity to my twinky-ness is what drives me crazy. It’s the hottest thing in the world. All that size and brawn politely asking to be my foot rest, or preparing food in uniform, or servicing me…its intensely erotic. Times three.

These are all exceptional men. I couldn’t force them to submit…any of them could easily over power me. Instead, they love and respect me so much that they feel the best way to show it is by giving themselves completely through submission.

That’s beautiful. I feel so honored to receive such love.

Can I send my cv and a serious cover letter applying for a pup position? You have a handfull of pups and Prolly not looking for another one, but would you consider even reading it with an opening mind?

Heh, sure…this could be fun.  Send your “pup” application here.

Just understand that I am not taking on any new pups because this is my life right now:


So, I think judging by that last post, we can already tell that you're wedding is gonna be quite eccentric, do you have a solid concept already or are you developing it on the run? --AA

Eccentric?  You have no idea.

I’m throwing the first ever circuit wedding.

Why do you eat so much poutine?

Excuse you.

I’ll tell you why I eat so much damn poutine.


Look at that.  LOOK AT IT.  Pulled pork over fries with cheese curds.  Its like staring into the FACE OF GOD and he tells you YOU ARE WORTHY OF EATING ME.


Oh my god, is that…?  YES IT IS: Japanese curry chicken over yukon gold fries!!!  Salty, Spicy, Sweet, Umami…what is this?!  A FIFTH FLAVOUR?!?!  The best elements of every flavour combine to unlock the ULTIMATE FORM OF TASTE INCARNATE: poutine.


Have you ever eaten something so incredible you cried?  Meet duck confit poutine: self-actualization as food.  You are special, you are loved, you are worthy, you are wanted…and poutine has brought you there.


Behold: classic poutine.  Deceivingly simple.  You’d never know a life changing experience was just a bite away.

If you could capture the human condition—love, loss, joy, sadness, ecstasy, pokemon—into food, you would have a recipe for classic poutine.

What I’m saying is: you have not lived until you’ve poutine.

Hold on there, this is important.

Hi, I'm Noodles and Beef and welcome to my blog. How are you? Your hair looks great today. What's your secret? I think its important we get to know each other a little bit before you continue.

I've been updating this blog for over 13-years to help me remember and better appreciate my life experiences. I blog for my own benefit, so the content can be extremely personal and sometimes that makes people uncomfortable.

We just met, so I'm not sure what makes you uncomfortable.

Thats why you need to be at least 18-years-old to continue...and if it makes you uncomfortable, just stop reading my blog, okay?

I agree