I am your host, Noodles and Beef, and welcome to my blog. It's my creative dumping ground and journal. I post work from my photo projects, sketches from my notepad, and infographics from my research. Sometimes I write about my body dysmorphia but more often I post photos of my butt. I am in a D/s relationship with two wonderful pups. Your hair looks amazing today.

Anyway, thanks for reading my blog, I hope you enjoy it!

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Recent Posts Posts tagged protip

How do you make your bulge pop out so much and look big? Mine is nowhere as impressive.
Anonymous

I’m modestly endowed, but there are a few tricks I’ve learned through the years that anyone can use to make your junk more presentable:

  1. Use Rembrandt Lighting to accentuate the depth of your package.  At COLT we used a dedicated spot to give stronger contrast to penises.
  2. Wear swim trunks or underwear with a built-in pouch or jock.  My favourite is from AussieBum, hefts my package right out there.  Boom.  Just look at it.
  3. Don’t stuff your package with socks or wear a giant cock ring.  This always looks super fake.
  4. Be really well endowed.
  5. Tuck your cock up and over the balls.  Never upwards or to the side.
  6. Wear something flattering.  Dark colours will hide your package as will overly-tight fitting gear.  Just be smart about it, only wear what makes you feel good about yourself.

Eh.  That’s all I got.  I’m sure there are more tricks, but most of my optical-illusions and savvy are about making your body look bigger.

The collar of your reindeer costume is THICK. Is it still comfortable?
alcharlie

Yeah. It’s pretty thick. Like, absurdly oversized. Using oversized neck accessories (like thick chains, padlocks, scarfs, collars) will make your head look smaller, and your body bigger proportionately. It’s the same trick girls use to make their boobs bigger.

edit: it’s pretty comfortable. Feels great, actually.

The Rump Eclipse

Pose yourself perpendicularly to the camera and shift all your weight onto the leg closest to the camera. This accentuates the curve of your thighs and ass.  For best results, make sure you’re lit with 3/4’s light to highlight the ridge of your other cheek. Combine with crossed arms or the classic-Dylan-pose to make your upper body look bigger. 

Difficulty: Very

The Evita

Also known as the “Don’t Cry for me Argentina,” The Evita is a fanciful pose that makes you look like you’re having an awesome time…but it’s actually a strategic illusion! By raising your arms out and widing your stance (like you’re making the letter “X” out of your body) you make your waist look proportionately smaller.  This is great for those fat days

Difficulty: 8/10

Forced Perspective Pose

By angling your elbow towards the camera, it makes your arm look larger through forced perspective.  This works great when posing with friends. 

Difficulty: 4/10

Poser Guide to making yourself look Bigger

Following up on arfabear’s question about my poses, here is a dossier on my most frequented poses. You’re all familiar with the Dylan Pose, but what about the other techniques and poses I use to make myself photograph better?

The Classic Dylan Pose

Triceps out (pout is actually optional). Your Triceps are much larger than your biceps, so turning them outwards gives the illusion that your arms are much bigger…and bigger arms (in contrast to your waist) makes you look proportionally huge.  

Difficulty: 2/10
I decided to go on this whole sexual exploration journey... and I got bottomed the other night. But the guy said I was terrible. It was my first time... Any tips? Anything I should know for the future?
oh-hunty

You got bottomed.

I’m still learning about sex, but I can’t tell if you were the receiving or intruding partner. So I shall answer both questions:

Dylan’s Tips for Bottoming:

  1. "Always keep a clean kitty." Anal sex can happen at any time. It can surprise you. You could be innocently brushing your teeth and it’ll just HAPPEN TO YOU. So it’s important that you are always ready for it.  It’s important that you keep a clean kitty. Wash yourself out well and eat a high-fiber diet to facilitate cleanliness. Buy a shower tool. Shave down there. Etc…
  2. New to bottoming? Make sure you start on top. This gives you more control and allows you to ease onto it.  Tops love it because they can get a lot of reading done when you’re doing all the work!
  3. When you’re bottoming, it’s all about you. So give your tops positive reinforcement with moans when they do good and COMPLETE SILENCE when you aren’t enjoying yourself.
  4. Wear a condom. Barebacking feels amazing, but you should only do it with someone you absolutely trust.

Dylan’s Tips for Topping:

  1. Anal sex can HURT. So spend a lot of time with foreplay. Do lots of grinding against the hole and teasing.  When they start begging for it, go slowly. Don’t just ram all 8-inches in at once.
  2. Pay attention to your bottom. Are they moaning for more? Or being COMPLETELY SILENT because they’re uncomfortable? Figure it out. Their pleasure is important, so make sure you know where their prostate is and pound away.
  3. Wear a condom. Barebacking feels much better for the top, but you should only do it with someone you absolutely trust.

I’ve gone back and forth on being a bottom or a top, and there are lessons to be learned from both sides.  Nevertheless, you shouldn’t take these as absolutes: everyone does the sex different (I like to wear hats), so be open to trying new things and exploring your sexuality.  You never know what you might end up liking.

Also, that guy sounds like a jerk face. Who says you’re bad at sex? That’s not very nice at all.

Continuing my post of 5 Tricks to Dress Yourself Beefier, I forgot to include the “Rump Enhancing Frown.”  This is a style of seeming in pants and shorts that contours your ass into a shelf.
If you can think of other fashion tips that can make you look bigger, let me know. I’m trying to compile a complete list of tricks for small guys to look bigger (and big guys to look huge).

Continuing my post of 5 Tricks to Dress Yourself Beefier, I forgot to include the “Rump Enhancing Frown.”  This is a style of seeming in pants and shorts that contours your ass into a shelf.

If you can think of other fashion tips that can make you look bigger, let me know. I’m trying to compile a complete list of tricks for small guys to look bigger (and big guys to look huge).

5 Tricks to Dress Yourself Beefier!
Bigger guys are usually only into other bigger guys.  If you’re a smaller guy who wants to attract a bigger guy, you can better your odds in two ways:
Working out to grow bigger
Using optical illusions to make yourself appear bigger
I’ve covered my diet and workout for anyone who wants to bulk, but here’s some tricks for dressing to look bigger:
Wear tops with thick, horizontal stripes. Or bright, loud colours.  (This is the opposite of how larger guys wear dark colours to trim their figure).
Pick shirts with shorter sleeves to emphasize your arms. My favourite come from Abercrombie & Fitch.
Always wear darker bottoms.  Dark boot-cut jeans and black corduroy are good.
Capris and longer-shorts cut your height and make you look proportionately wider.
Emphasize your shoulders and chest by wearing a backpack with a chest strap.
When appropriate, a square-cut tank-top will emphasize your shoulders and neckline.  2xist makes the best square-cut tank top.
Besides being incredibly manly, thick suspenders can help broaden your shoulders while de-emphasizing your love handles.  (Note: suspenders can give more attention to your belly, so use with caution).
Most of these tricks work by breaking up your proportions using colour, patterns or different lengths of clothes.  By controling your propotions and appearance you can give the illusion of being much bigger than you actually are.
If I’m missing something, please let me know!

5 Tricks to Dress Yourself Beefier!

Bigger guys are usually only into other bigger guys.  If you’re a smaller guy who wants to attract a bigger guy, you can better your odds in two ways:

  • Working out to grow bigger
  • Using optical illusions to make yourself appear bigger

I’ve covered my diet and workout for anyone who wants to bulk, but here’s some tricks for dressing to look bigger:

  1. Wear tops with thick, horizontal stripes. Or bright, loud colours.  (This is the opposite of how larger guys wear dark colours to trim their figure).
  2. Pick shirts with shorter sleeves to emphasize your arms. My favourite come from Abercrombie & Fitch.
  3. Always wear darker bottoms.  Dark boot-cut jeans and black corduroy are good.
  4. Capris and longer-shorts cut your height and make you look proportionately wider.
  5. Emphasize your shoulders and chest by wearing a backpack with a chest strap.
  6. When appropriate, a square-cut tank-top will emphasize your shoulders and neckline.  2xist makes the best square-cut tank top.
  7. Besides being incredibly manly, thick suspenders can help broaden your shoulders while de-emphasizing your love handles.  (Note: suspenders can give more attention to your belly, so use with caution).

Most of these tricks work by breaking up your proportions using colour, patterns or different lengths of clothes.  By controling your propotions and appearance you can give the illusion of being much bigger than you actually are.

If I’m missing something, please let me know!


Hold on there, this is important.

Hi, I'm Noodles and Beef and welcome to my blog. How are you? Your hair looks great today. What's your secret? I think its important we get to know each other a little bit before you continue.

I've been updating this blog for over 13-years to help me remember and better appreciate my life experiences. I blog for my own benefit, so the content can be extremely personal and sometimes that makes people uncomfortable.

We just met, so I'm not sure what makes you uncomfortable.

You need to be at least 18-years-old to continue.


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