Noodles and Beef

How to make a triskelion knot harness

In honor of Folsom, I’m finally putting up a tutorial for the gorgeous triskelion knot harness from my wedding.

You will need:

  1. 20-feet of rope
  2. Patience

The triskelion knot is formed by pushing three loops through each other, then tying the loose ends around your back to form an asymmetrical harness.  The resulting harness is a gorgeous, unique, and very affordable piece of bondage.  I spent $5 on this.

The GIFs (ripped from this video, highly recommended you just watch that) show tying the knot with a single rope.  For a more masculine look, try doubling up the rope like innerbear or quadrupling the rope like alpha (pictured above).

@zantielzeno asks:

Hello! Love your blog and I have a question for you, I’m just starting my role as a pet and wondering if you had possibly created a basic guide to what a pet should have? Like maybe a wish list full of suggested items on eBay or the likes? Thanks for reading this anyways :3

You don’t need anything to be a pet, sub, Dom, whatever.  Thats silly.  Expensive gear is an accessory to your sexuality, not a prerequisite. 

Nevertheless, gear is sexy and can help get you into that headspace by making you more confident in your role.  Here are some outfits to get you started:

The lil’ pup look

Sporty meets eager in this hot jock-inspired sub look that will score any coach.  Strip down to just the jock for a more extreme look.

The Master Look

Who says Dom’s can’t have fun? The Mr S Leather suspenders converts into a harness for when you go out and convenient phone/flogger holster means one less thing for your boy to hold.

The Big Pup look

Bulldog in the streets, big puppy in the sheets.  Subtle BDSM-inspired accessories turns your dull office look into kinky boardroom bulldog.

Anonymous asks:
How do you make your bulge pop out so much and look big? Mine is nowhere as impressive.

I’m modestly endowed, but there are a few tricks I’ve learned through the years that anyone can use to make your junk more presentable:

  1. Use Rembrandt Lighting to accentuate the depth of your package.  At COLT we used a dedicated spot to give stronger contrast to penises.
  2. Wear swim trunks or underwear with a built-in pouch or jock.  My favourite is from AussieBum, hefts my package right out there.  Boom.  Just look at it.
  3. Don’t stuff your package with socks or wear a giant cock ring.  This always looks super fake.
  4. Be really well endowed.
  5. Tuck your cock up and over the balls.  Never upwards or to the side.
  6. Wear something flattering.  Dark colours will hide your package as will overly-tight fitting gear.  Just be smart about it, only wear what makes you feel good about yourself.

Eh.  That’s all I got.  I’m sure there are more tricks, but most of my optical-illusions and savvy are about making your body look bigger.

Anonymous asks:
How do you make your bulge pop out so much and look big? Mine is nowhere as impressive.

I’m modestly endowed, but there are a few tricks I’ve learned through the years that anyone can use to make your junk more presentable:

  1. Use Rembrandt Lighting to accentuate the depth of your package.  At COLT we used a dedicated spot to give stronger contrast to penises.
  2. Wear swim trunks or underwear with a built-in pouch or jock.  My favourite is from AussieBum, hefts my package right out there.  Boom.  Just look at it.
  3. Don’t stuff your package with socks or wear a giant cock ring.  This always looks super fake.
  4. Be really well endowed.
  5. Tuck your cock up and over the balls.  Never upwards or to the side.
  6. Wear something flattering.  Dark colours will hide your package as will overly-tight fitting gear.  Just be smart about it, only wear what makes you feel good about yourself.

Eh.  That’s all I got.  I’m sure there are more tricks, but most of my optical-illusions and savvy are about making your body look bigger.

Protip: tiny sewing scissors make your arms look bigger. Also, I just repaired three pairs of cargo shorts!

alcharlie asks:
The collar of your reindeer costume is THICK. Is it still comfortable?

Yeah. It’s pretty thick. Like, absurdly oversized. Using oversized neck accessories (like thick chains, padlocks, scarfs, collars) will make your head look smaller, and your body bigger proportionately. It’s the same trick girls use to make their boobs bigger.

edit: it’s pretty comfortable. Feels great, actually.

alcharlie asks:
The collar of your reindeer costume is THICK. Is it still comfortable?

Yeah. It’s pretty thick. Like, absurdly oversized. Using oversized neck accessories (like thick chains, padlocks, scarfs, collars) will make your head look smaller, and your body bigger proportionately. It’s the same trick girls use to make their boobs bigger.

edit: it’s pretty comfortable. Feels great, actually.

Protip: bulky scarfs make your head look smaller, which makes your arms look proportionately bigger.

The Rump Eclipse

Pose yourself perpendicularly to the camera and shift all your weight onto the leg closest to the camera. This accentuates the curve of your thighs and ass.  For best results, make sure you’re lit with ¾’s light to highlight the ridge of your other cheek. Combine with crossed arms or the classic-Dylan-pose to make your upper body look bigger. 

Difficulty: Very

The Evita

Also known as the “Don’t Cry for me Argentina,” The Evita is a fanciful pose that makes you look like you’re having an awesome time…but it’s actually a strategic illusion! By raising your arms out and widing your stance (like you’re making the letter “X” out of your body) you make your waist look proportionately smaller.  This is great for those fat days

Difficulty: 8/10

Forced Perspective Pose

By angling your elbow towards the camera, it makes your arm look larger through forced perspective.  This works great when posing with friends. 

Difficulty: 4/10

Poser Guide to making yourself look Bigger

Following up on arfabear’s question about my poses, here is a dossier on my most frequented poses. You’re all familiar with the Dylan Pose, but what about the other techniques and poses I use to make myself photograph better?

The Classic Dylan Pose

Triceps out (pout is actually optional). Your Triceps are much larger than your biceps, so turning them outwards gives the illusion that your arms are much bigger…and bigger arms (in contrast to your waist) makes you look proportionally huge.  

Difficulty: 2/10