Hello, Handsome.


I am your host, Noodles and Beef, and welcome to my blog. It's my creative dumping ground and journal. I post work from my photo projects, sketches from my notepad, and infographics from my research. Sometimes I write about personal stuff but more often I post photos of my butt.

I'm a single, gay, 25-year-old who lives in San Francisco, and I do UX for a living. Your hair looks amazing today.

Anyway, thanks for reading my blog, I hope you enjoy it!

Popular Noodles


Latest Beef

The Rump Eclipse

Pose yourself perpendicularly to the camera and shift all your weight onto the leg closest to the camera. This accentuates the curve of your thighs and ass.  For best results, make sure you’re lit with 3/4’s light to highlight the ridge of your other cheek. Combine with crossed arms or the classic-Dylan-pose to make your upper body look bigger. 

Difficulty: Very

The Evita

Also known as the “Don’t Cry for me Argentina,” The Evita is a fanciful pose that makes you look like you’re having an awesome time…but it’s actually a strategic illusion! By raising your arms out and widing your stance (like you’re making the letter “X” out of your body) you make your waist look proportionately smaller.  This is great for those fat days. 

Difficulty: 8/10

Forced Perspective Pose

By angling your elbow towards the camera, it makes your arm look larger through forced perspective.  This works great when posing with friends. 

Difficulty: 4/10

Poser Guide to making yourself look Bigger

Following up on arfabear’s question about my poses, here is a dossier on my most frequented poses. You’re all familiar with the Dylan Pose, but what about the other techniques and poses I use to make myself photograph better?

The Classic Dylan Pose

Triceps out (pout is actually optional). Your Triceps are much larger than your biceps, so turning them outwards gives the illusion that your arms are much bigger…and bigger arms (in contrast to your waist) makes you look proportionally huge.  

Difficulty: 2/10
Continuing my post of 5 Tricks to Dress Yourself Beefier, I forgot to include the “Rump Enhancing Frown.”  This is a style of seeming in pants and shorts that contours your ass into a shelf. If you can think of other fashion tips that can make you look bigger, let me know. I’m trying to compile a complete list of tricks for small guys to look bigger (and big guys to look huge).

Continuing my post of 5 Tricks to Dress Yourself Beefier, I forgot to include the “Rump Enhancing Frown.”  This is a style of seeming in pants and shorts that contours your ass into a shelf.

If you can think of other fashion tips that can make you look bigger, let me know. I’m trying to compile a complete list of tricks for small guys to look bigger (and big guys to look huge).

Protip: only drink espresso. The smaller cup makes your arms look huge.

Protip: only drink espresso. The smaller cup makes your arms look huge.

5 Tricks to Dress Yourself Beefier! Bigger guys are usually only into other bigger guys.  If you’re a smaller guy who wants to attract a bigger guy, you can better your odds in two ways: Working out to grow bigger Using optical illusions to make yourself appear bigger I’ve covered my diet and workout for anyone who wants to bulk, but here’s some tricks for dressing to look bigger: Wear tops with thick, horizontal stripes. Or bright, loud colours.  (This is the opposite of how larger guys wear dark colours to trim their figure). Pick shirts with shorter sleeves to emphasize your arms. My favourite come from Abercrombie & Fitch. Always wear darker bottoms.  Dark boot-cut jeans and black corduroy are good. Capris and longer-shorts cut your height and make you look proportionately wider. Emphasize your shoulders and chest by wearing a backpack with a chest strap. When appropriate, a square-cut tank-top will emphasize your shoulders and neckline.  2xist makes the best square-cut tank top. Besides being incredibly manly, thick suspenders can help broaden your shoulders while de-emphasizing your love handles.  (Note: suspenders can give more attention to your belly, so use with caution). Most of these tricks work by breaking up your proportions using colour, patterns or different lengths of clothes.  By controling your propotions and appearance you can give the illusion of being much bigger than you actually are. If I’m missing something, please let me know!

5 Tricks to Dress Yourself Beefier!

Bigger guys are usually only into other bigger guys.  If you’re a smaller guy who wants to attract a bigger guy, you can better your odds in two ways:

  • Working out to grow bigger
  • Using optical illusions to make yourself appear bigger

I’ve covered my diet and workout for anyone who wants to bulk, but here’s some tricks for dressing to look bigger:

  1. Wear tops with thick, horizontal stripes. Or bright, loud colours.  (This is the opposite of how larger guys wear dark colours to trim their figure).
  2. Pick shirts with shorter sleeves to emphasize your arms. My favourite come from Abercrombie & Fitch.
  3. Always wear darker bottoms.  Dark boot-cut jeans and black corduroy are good.
  4. Capris and longer-shorts cut your height and make you look proportionately wider.
  5. Emphasize your shoulders and chest by wearing a backpack with a chest strap.
  6. When appropriate, a square-cut tank-top will emphasize your shoulders and neckline.  2xist makes the best square-cut tank top.
  7. Besides being incredibly manly, thick suspenders can help broaden your shoulders while de-emphasizing your love handles.  (Note: suspenders can give more attention to your belly, so use with caution).

Most of these tricks work by breaking up your proportions using colour, patterns or different lengths of clothes.  By controling your propotions and appearance you can give the illusion of being much bigger than you actually are.

If I’m missing something, please let me know!