I am your host, Noodles and Beef, and welcome to my blog. It's my creative dumping ground and journal. I post work from my photo projects, sketches from my notepad, and infographics from my research. Sometimes I write about my body dysmorphia but more often I post photos of my butt. I am in a D/s relationship with two wonderful pups. Your hair looks amazing today.

Anyway, thanks for reading my blog, I hope you enjoy it!

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progress

2005 ~120lbs versus 2013 ~260lbs

I’m having a “small day” today because I haven’t been having much progress in the gym.  Reminding myself where I started helps keep things in perspective.

Well.  This is depressing. Nearly one year without any improvement.  My thighs even shrank (probably because I don’t ride my bike anymore). I also lost 4-inches from my midsection.  While I didn’t improve on any measurements, I was able to lose fat without losing any size. Hopefully next year will yield better results…
progress

Well.  This is depressing.

Nearly one year without any improvement.  My thighs even shrank (probably because I don’t ride my bike anymore).

I also lost 4-inches from my midsection.  While I didn’t improve on any measurements, I was able to lose fat without losing any size.

Hopefully next year will yield better results…

Today was a good day! I was getting super depressed post-surgery because I thought I had lost a ton of weight/size from being away from the gym.  (Doc says I can’t workout for two-four weeks).  Had my first successful workout post-surgery today.  Hurray!  Previous attempts were met with shooting pain that necessitated my use of pain killers.  But not today! And then I took my measurements!  I’ve actually stayed about the same weight, same size, nothing shrank…except my arms, which are down an inch, but that might be because I haven’t worked out in a while. Anyway.  Phew.  Measurements keep me from going crazy.  My mind plays tricks on me when I look at my reflection; I think I’ve suddenly become flabby and skinny after a break from the gym…but nothing has changed. Also I start bulking today.  Going to try and get my arms back up an inch in time for Folsom.
bdd progress

Today was a good day!

I was getting super depressed post-surgery because I thought I had lost a ton of weight/size from being away from the gym.  (Doc says I can’t workout for two-four weeks).  Had my first successful workout post-surgery today.  Hurray!  Previous attempts were met with shooting pain that necessitated my use of pain killers.  But not today!

And then I took my measurements!  I’ve actually stayed about the same weight, same size, nothing shrank…except my arms, which are down an inch, but that might be because I haven’t worked out in a while.

Anyway.  Phew.  Measurements keep me from going crazy.  My mind plays tricks on me when I look at my reflection; I think I’ve suddenly become flabby and skinny after a break from the gym…but nothing has changed.

Also I start bulking today.  Going to try and get my arms back up an inch in time for Folsom.

Another year at Dore Alley, another photo for my progress montage. Current Stats: Arms: 19” (+1” from last year) Chest: 50” Thighs: 28” Rump: 45” (+2” from last year) Calves: 18.5” (+.5” from last year) Neck: 20” (+1” from last year) Forearms: 14.5” I have been cutting…so I’m not the biggest I’ve been this year, but I’m more defined, and it certainly makes me look bigger.  And I feel better about myself.
progress featured

Another year at Dore Alley, another photo for my progress montage.

Current Stats:

  • Arms: 19” (+1” from last year)
  • Chest: 50”
  • Thighs: 28”
  • Rump: 45” (+2” from last year)
  • Calves: 18.5” (+.5” from last year)
  • Neck: 20” (+1” from last year)
  • Forearms: 14.5”

I have been cutting…so I’m not the biggest I’ve been this year, but I’m more defined, and it certainly makes me look bigger.  And I feel better about myself.

Excerpt from my Quora response to the question “What is everyday life like for a bodybuilder with huge muscles?” I’m a hobbyist bodybuilder, and while I don’t consider myself very large (please see: What does it feel like to have Body Dysmorphic Disorder?), thats how most people describe me.  I started bodybuilding at 140lbs and have been as big as 260lbs [ … ] I always opt for the disabled person stall.  Going into anything smaller is like funneling a bull into a kennel.  My shoulders graze the stall walls, I turn to sit and my thighs fight for room with the toilet paper dispenser; the ordeal leaves me winded and frustrated. Airplane seats are no better.  Not that I’ve ever heard anyone say they enjoy sitting in an airplane seat, but watching the pained expressions of people as I explain I’m sitting beside them.  Thats rough.  I might as well be telling them we’re sharing a seat for a trans-continental flight.  I tuck my arms in and try to make myself as small as possible, not because I want to, but I sympathize with the other passengers. Nobody wants my arm taking up both arm rests and half their seat. Read the full response on Quora here.
progress bdd gym

Excerpt from my Quora response to the question “What is everyday life like for a bodybuilder with huge muscles?”

I’m a hobbyist bodybuilder, and while I don’t consider myself very large (please see: What does it feel like to have Body Dysmorphic Disorder?), thats how most people describe me.  I started bodybuilding at 140lbs and have been as big as 260lbs

[ … ]

I always opt for the disabled person stall.  Going into anything smaller is like funneling a bull into a kennel.  My shoulders graze the stall walls, I turn to sit and my thighs fight for room with the toilet paper dispenser; the ordeal leaves me winded and frustrated.

Airplane seats are no better.  Not that I’ve ever heard anyone say they enjoy sitting in an airplane seat, but watching the pained expressions of people as I explain I’m sitting beside them.  Thats rough.  I might as well be telling them we’re sharing a seat for a trans-continental flight.  I tuck my arms in and try to make myself as small as possible, not because I want to, but I sympathize with the other passengers. Nobody wants my arm taking up both arm rests and half their seat.

Read the full response on Quora here.

66/365 Week 4 of Cutting Compared to my first week of cutting, there is not much visual difference. The fat loss is much slower than I was hoping for; I’ve lost 5lbs more of fat and gained a little more muscle (my rump is an inch bigger), but nothing too noticeable. Nevertheless, with this new cutting regimen I’ve actually improved on some measurements *while* losing fat, so maybe I should just stick with it a little longer. Usually I have a BDD freakout after I lose too much weight because all my measurements are dwindling smaller, but I haven’t had nearly as much body anxiety with this new regimen. Just two more weeks till I start bulking.  Hang in there, me!
vanity progress 365project

66/365 Week 4 of Cutting

Compared to my first week of cutting, there is not much visual difference. The fat loss is much slower than I was hoping for; I’ve lost 5lbs more of fat and gained a little more muscle (my rump is an inch bigger), but nothing too noticeable.


Nevertheless, with this new cutting regimen I’ve actually improved on some measurements *while* losing fat, so maybe I should just stick with it a little longer. Usually I have a BDD freakout after I lose too much weight because all my measurements are dwindling smaller, but I haven’t had nearly as much body anxiety with this new regimen.

Just two more weeks till I start bulking.  Hang in there, me!

41/365 Week 1 of cutting on Flickr.Pup and I have been cutting for a little over a week (okay, 16 days for me). I’ve lost about 15lbs of fat, and about half an inch on all my measurements, however my chest has grown +2.5” to an all-time large of 52.5”. I’m doing a whole new diet (carb restrictive) and workout regime (negative reps to failure)…the results thus far have been surprisingly exceptional. Even pup has lost ~15lbs, while improving on a couple of his measurements.
365project vanity progress

41/365 Week 1 of cutting on Flickr.

Pup and I have been cutting for a little over a week (okay, 16 days for me).

I’ve lost about 15lbs of fat, and about half an inch on all my measurements, however my chest has grown +2.5” to an all-time large of 52.5”.

I’m doing a whole new diet (carb restrictive) and workout regime (negative reps to failure)…the results thus far have been surprisingly exceptional. Even pup has lost ~15lbs, while improving on a couple of his measurements.

progress vanity rump

End of year weigh in: 260lbs

Okay, I’m rounding up a little bit.  I’m actually only 258lbs.

While I’m still gaining weight, a lot of it recently seems to be fat.  I’ve certainly gone up a pant size, and my love handles are back (when my arms are down).

  • Biceps: 19”
  • Chest: 50”
  • Thighs: 29”
  • Rump: 45”
  • Calves: 19”
  • Neck: 20.5”
  • Forearms: 15”

Dan has requested I bulk for another month, see if I can get to 270lbs (doubt it)…so I’m pushing my cutting/trimming/not-worry-about-eating-10,000-calories-each-day phase to February.

I hit 255lbs this week! This photo, taken by my trainer James, was on our final session.  I had bought a bunch of sessions with him when I had money, but, sadly, can’t afford to continue for a while. While I’ve made tremendous progress on my own for years, I had certainly plateaued and was not pushing myself as hard as I needed in order to grow.  I attribute a lot of my gains (particularly getting to 19-inch arms) to James’ guidance in the gym. If you’re in San Francisco and want an awesome trainer, James is finally taking new clients again.
progress featured

I hit 255lbs this week!

This photo, taken by my trainer James, was on our final session.  I had bought a bunch of sessions with him when I had money, but, sadly, can’t afford to continue for a while.

While I’ve made tremendous progress on my own for years, I had certainly plateaued and was not pushing myself as hard as I needed in order to grow.  I attribute a lot of my gains (particularly getting to 19-inch arms) to James’ guidance in the gym.

If you’re in San Francisco and want an awesome trainer, James is finally taking new clients again.

Had an incredible arm workout.  Best in weeks.  I felt huge. I’m supposed to take all my measurements tonight, but I was so anxious, I had to know how big they were. I’m officially part of the 19” arms club! Just 20lbs to grow until I’m 20-inches.
progress

Had an incredible arm workout.  Best in weeks.  I felt huge.

I’m supposed to take all my measurements tonight, but I was so anxious, I had to know how big they were.

I’m officially part of the 19” arms club!

Just 20lbs to grow until I’m 20-inches.