In theory, if one were to be a fan of yours, no negative biases whatsoever, but have evidence that is common knowledge about emotionally abusive relationships to showcase some rather dubious things that maybe being ignored, is it considered trolling or genuine concern for both parties?
Power exchange is an illusion.
I hate to pick at or criticize you, bubba, given that you’ve been subjected to a fair amount of unfair garbage recently here in the Tumblrverse, but this line really struck me.
Power exchange is very much a non-illusory actuality in the dynamics and relationships of many leatherfolk, including several of my own. You make a fair point about power exchange being consent-dependent, but that doesn’t make it any less real. Given the simplicity (and corresponding potential efficacy) of your statement and the wide reach of your blog audience, I hope that you’ll either clarify or qualify.
–Your Friendly Neighborhood FoxBear
What even is illusion? How are fantasy? Why does exchange power?
Let me try and rephrase it:
The fantasy of power exchange is an illusion. The actual power being exchanged is very real and critical to my relationship.
I feel like its pretty clear that the fantasy of power exchange is an illusion, but there are actually people out there who genuinely believe I have magic hypnotic powers that I use to brainwash people. Sometimes I have to explain how fantasy and power exchange actually work…but, these are intangible concepts that are best explained with example.
Examples of the fantasy of power exchange being an illusion:
- I write that I’m the Master of four slaves, but this is fantasy. I’m not actually part of a human trafficking ring or sex slave cult. Obviously.
- I write that big pup is an adorable puppy, but this is fantasy. Yes he’s adorable, no he’s not a real dog. He’s a person wearing a dog mask. Clearly.
- I write that tank has outgrown the known universe, but this is fantasy. He is the known universe and we can observe him continuing to grow at an exponential rate by measuring dark energy. His physical form is a construct he willed into existence that transcends space time to serve his mortal Master. Duh.
Real-world examples of power being exchanged:
- Your boss tells you to do something and you comply. They have power over you because you are obligated to fulfill their requests in exchange for compensation.
- You go see the new Transformers movie with your romantic partner. They have power over you because you will sit through a four-hour movie in exchange for sex afterwards.
- A security officer at the airport tells you to take off your shoes. They have power over you because our society has a tacit agreement to put up with security theater in exchange for feeling more safe while traveling.
In these real-world examples you are agreeing to do something for something else. Giving up power in exchange for something else. This isn’t an illusion. We relinquish control on a daily basis. Sometimes the exchange is tacit, like social rules; other times its explicit, like negotiating chores with your roommate.
Abstracting the power exchange from the fantasy
In power exchange relationships, we negotiate power between people just like you would in my real-world examples. But now its sexy.
Look at the photo above. Its pretty obvious I’m not a real football player, but through the filter of fantasy…
If it’s genuinely constructive, yes, of course.
I am sincerely interested in being a better partner and do everything I can to be a positive force for the people close to me. (Even if that means ending the relationship, eg lilpup).
Power exchange is an illusion. The only people who are fooled by it are these naive trolls. They completely overlook that rules and boundaries are negotiated, consent is maintained with regular check-ins, and that we’re like any other relationship. Just kinkier.
Just like any other relationship, we are not perfect.
…I’m the star linebacker, taking a break after practice.
And you…you’re the lightest flyer on the cheerleading team. I could shoulder-press you as a warmup weight.
The power-dynamic trope of football player and cheerleader is well established: you’re my bitch.
Or, that should be the case.
I’m just a big, clumsy jock, who’s generally too horned up to make my own decisions.
You’re smart, manipulative, and popular. It doesn’t take long for you to recognize that I admire someone so articulate. Before you can finish a standing-back-tuck, I’m hanging on your every word.
You string me along like an obedient puppy, a piece of arm candy for your amusement. I defer to you because I can’t understand most words you say, but certainly someone so smart has my best interests at heart…and gosh, its just much easier being told what to do. I am so grateful for that.
Better stop there. Started getting hot.
The power exchange is clear: I’m obedient, I defer to you, I do as I’m told. When the scene is over, the fantasy of me being this big dumb jock is over. I get my power back, we return to being equals.
Real power exchange, pretty obvious fantasy situation.
My examples are a simple attempt at explaining something difficult and intangible: the fantasy of power exchange is an illusion, the actual power being exchanged is very real.