Anonymous
The place: A small public high school halfway through construction for four years because of budget cuts.
The Setting: a derelict, dusty woodshop.
I was a tender 16-years-old. Innocent, eager for knowledge, and ready to start on my second woodworking project: a paper towel holder. My woodshop teacher “Mr Baer” (no really, that was his name, honest) was a burly, flannel-sporting type, with thick forearms and facial hair that belonged in vintage pornography.
Besides Calculus, Woodshop was my favourite class. It was an escape for me. Crafting, creating, making things…I loved it. And Mr Baer was happy to let me work during lunch periods or after class with him.
One rainy night after class, it was just him and I cleaning up the sawdust. He barked my name, “Dylan! I’d like to show you…something.” My heart was fluttering with anticipation.
Mr Baer remove his apron and set it beside an industrial lathe. ”Brand new, maybe you’d like to use it before the rest of the class?” I was ecstatic. I mounted my block of wood and began chiseling away. The wood peeled off like butter, and in a few minutes I had a perfectly shaped cylinder.
Working with the industrial lathe was my first sexual experience, and because I liked Pokemon cards so much, my next sexual experience didn’t happen for ten more years.
Also, I don’t know what sex is. Please help.
5 Tricks to Dress Yourself Beefier!
Bigger guys are usually only into other bigger guys. If you’re a smaller guy who wants to attract a bigger guy, you can better your odds in two ways:
- Working out to grow bigger
- Using optical illusions to make yourself appear bigger
I’ve covered my diet and workout for anyone who wants to bulk, but here’s some tricks for dressing to look bigger:
- Wear tops with thick, horizontal stripes. Or bright, loud colours. (This is the opposite of how larger guys wear dark colours to trim their figure).
- Pick shirts with shorter sleeves to emphasize your arms. My favourite come from Abercrombie & Fitch.
- Always wear darker bottoms. Dark boot-cut jeans and black corduroy are good.
- Capris and longer-shorts cut your height and make you look proportionately wider.
- Emphasize your shoulders and chest by wearing a backpack with a chest strap.
- When appropriate, a square-cut tank-top will emphasize your shoulders and neckline. 2xist makes the best square-cut tank top.
- Besides being incredibly manly, thick suspenders can help broaden your shoulders while de-emphasizing your love handles. (Note: suspenders can give more attention to your belly, so use with caution).
Most of these tricks work by breaking up your proportions using colour, patterns or different lengths of clothes. By controling your propotions and appearance you can give the illusion of being much bigger than you actually are.
If I’m missing something, please let me know!
From the Freemasons’ Ball this past Halloween weekend.
Quick update on my tumblr stats thing.
I wasn’t happy with the quality of the tool, so I’ve spruced up the layout a bit and added a new section about who is leaving notes on your blog. It’s sort of the reverse of the tumblr crushes feature, this shows who has a crush on your posts.
Sorry for the delay. I’m running out of SF landmarks.
Anyway. Just like “Light Back” I don’t really recommend my back workout. I have a very, very underdeveloped back…and I really need to figure out a better routine. Anyway, Fridays is heavy back:
- 5 minutes of rows
- Warm up with lat pull-downs at 125lbs for 15reps
- Lat pull-downs: 4 sets of 6 reps at 230lbs
- Bent-over rows: 4s/6r/135-175lbs
- Elevated Cable Rows: 4s/6r/220lbs
Just one workout left: Heavy Legs.
Bear Hunting tip: Bears stuck holding drinks are easy prey.
Ah, Leather Season on Flickr.
We ended up only doing one party tonight: Falcon and Raging Stallion “VIP Party”
We went home afterwards for a quick disco nap, but ended up sleeping through most of MAGNITUDE (the big party tonight) and just stayed in.
Boo :/
This actually happened. My chronic awkwardness was in full effect during Bearracuda last night.
But, yeah, why isn’t Wolverine really beefy? You get bigger by ripping the fascia of your muscle tissue through working out and then letting those rips heal. Therefore, Wolverine should be, like, REALLY big because he heals really fast!
Too soon?
More Golden Gate Rump on Flickr.
This is the outtake to my leg workout pic for the workout series. Not enough focus on the legs!
Old Gym Sighting from Daly City:
“This should get his attention,” Thought Hunter O’Pinoy. The squat rack held nearly 800lbs using half the plates in the gym. “He has no choice but to watch and wait for me to finish with these 45’s.” Hunter gripped the bar, his chest slowly rising as he lustfully eyed the Happa on the neck machine.
“Heh,” he chuckled under his breath, widening his stance under the bar, “it’s amazing what I’ll do to get a guy’s attention. Finish him, Hunter.” He kissed at the reflection of his gym crush—now watching intently—and pressed deep into the squat, his chin nestled into his gut. This weight was nothing, but maybe if he faked trouble he could get the boy to spot him?
Again, out of order, sorry :(
Thursday is Light Chest day. My chest is another body group that is very under developed. But, ever since I started Mr January’s chest workout. Honestly, he’s got the best pecs in San Francisco. Like his back workout, this is highly recommended. My only modification is the addition of the pecdeck, which he avoided because there was worry it could hurt his shoulder something.
Anyway. Thursday is Light Chest:
- Warm up with Bench Press at 135lbs for 15reps
- Bench Press: 4 sets of 12 reps at 225lbs
- Incline (or decline, alternate bi-weekly) Bench Press: 4s/12r/185lbs
- Pec Deck: 4s/12r/200lbs
- Dips: 4s/12r/body weight
