I am your host, Noodles and Beef, and welcome to my blog. It's my creative dumping ground and journal. I post work from my photo projects, sketches from my notepad, and infographics from my research. Sometimes I write about my body dysmorphia but more often I post photos of my butt. I am in a D/s relationship with two wonderful pups. Your hair looks amazing today.

Anyway, thanks for reading my blog, I hope you enjoy it!

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Recent Posts Posts tagged fashion

What type of jockstrap were you wearing in your latest progress update pic and were can I buy them?

I wrote about these recently in my very informative Jockstrap guide.  They’re the 2(x)ist Sliq Mesh Jockstrap (in orange) available for $18 from Amazon.

I have a 34” waist and wear a size XL in 2(x)ist, but the stretchy waist band if very accommodating.  They don’t have a ton of package space, but thats less of a concern if I’m wearing a fashion jock like these.

Highly recommended you get them with the matching mesh tank top.  They go together perfectly, great for athletic-themed gogo outfits when you dance.

My inquiring mind wants to know, where did you get that costume you wore to the HERO dance party on Halloween, 2013? I'd be pretty interested in getting one myself, if you remember how you came by it, it would be much appreciated! And stay awesome!


It’s actually not mine, it’s masters. So you might wanna ask him where he got it. I know it’s a website but I don’t know which

It’s made by BUNNYWAREZ here in the Bay Area.  Its super cozy and ridiculously warm.  In fact, its so warm, that I wore it as my ski suit:

These are pretty popular in Japan.  Known as Kigurumi, there’s a much larger selection on Amazon, including Stitch.

Reblogged from carnenchiladas
Me. noodles and need, Where did you find that union suit with the butt opening! I have always wanted one and so far you're the only person I follow who got one that I want! Ps If and when I get one ill Dillon pose in it!

Thats the Nasty Pig Union Suit.  Used to be $109.95 from Mr S Leather, but it looks like they’re sold out.  Nasty Pig usually does short runs for its unique items, so once its sold out thats it.

But $100 is a lot to pay for pajamas.  You can get a very similar pair from Amazon for $36.

Mr beef where do you find good jockstraps?


The Noodles and Beef guide to jockstraps

Thanks for the question brjefrco.  As someone with big thighs, a big butt, and a lot of junk, traditional underwear leaves a lot to be desired.  Briefs make my legs fall asleep, boxers aren’t sexy looking, thongs are uncomfortable to wear all day.  Jockstraps are the answer.  They’re sexy and provide plenty of room for big butts and thighs.

There are a lot of different jocks out there.  Because of my proportions, I have unique needs and have become a jockstrap connoisseur; trying all jocks until I found the perfect, most flattering brand.

Here are my personal favourites for comfort and style:


Aussiebum WonderJock pro $15

Easily the best jockstrap I’ve ever owned.  90% of my underwear are Aussiebum jocks.  High quality, affordable, and plenty of package space.  Best of all?  There is a small pouch that hefts your junk outwards, making your package look even bigger.

★★★★★ 5/5 Buy it here →


DIESEL Jocky $9-$20

Extremely comfortable and a bit more stylish than the Aussiebum.  The smaller strap is more flattering under clothes (leaves a less obvious line).  However, make sure you hang dry when washing.  The elastic band curls under the heat of my dryer and I’ve already ruined a couple pairs by laundry negligence.

★★★★☆ 4/5 Buy it here →


Go Softwear Jockstrap $17

One of the first jockstraps I ever owned.  I have romantic memories trying it on at injeanious, Castro’s premier underwear store.  Its simple, uncomplicated, and provides ample package space.

★★★★☆ 4/5 Buy it here →

Honorable mention

2(x)ist Sliq Mesh Jockstrap $18

Very stylish, sexy, stretchy mesh.  Not a lot of package space, but the compromise is that the look good.

★★★☆ 3/5 Buy it here →

Where did you get your red suede loafers from?

My SWIMS red boat shoes aren’t suede, but rubber!  They’re designed to be worn in water, and after ruining several pairs of sandals at beach/lake/foam/cruise/pool dance parties, it seemed like a smart investment.

They’re expensive, but totally worth it.  Extremely durable and they instantly make you the classiest gay at any wet dance party.  I just feel so darn fancy wearing them with my red speedo.

Buy them here →

renmir asks:

Hey there! I was wondering if you knew anything about buying leather collars or where to find relatively cheap, quality ones. I’m wanting to try one and don’t know anything about measurements and such, so any help would be appreciated :)

Thank you for the question, Renmir.

The leather collars at Mr S are durable and classic.  I recommend them for basic gear and beginners.  See their selection here.

My leather collar is a custom piece from my leather guy at Mr S.  I commissioned a brown-leather version of their Fetter’s Leather Collar to match my harness and chaps for the XXXmas shoot.

But what if you want something a little classier?  Photos 2 and 3 are from one of my favourite leather artists: spiritraptor, who has a portfolio of really incredible collars and leather work.  Spiritraptor’s prices for custom work are surprisingly affordable.

Etsy also has some talented leather artists.  Just shop around till you find a look you like.

Personally, I prefer metal collars because they can be worn 24/7.  (You can’t wear your leather collar in the shower).  Metal collars can also be more discrete and look like jewelry instead of BDSM fashion.  Check out the Big Dog collar from Mr S.  It has a very sexy heft to it and is the collar my pups graduate to from smaller, lighter training collars.

(For those asking, I use inexpensive dog chains as training collars. They don’t corrode, don’t pull on hair, and are super cheap).

the big boots you used in your calander shoot, do you know where i can get those pair of these boots online? maybe in black with red outlines?


They’re Dr Marten’s brand. As my only pair of boots, I’ve worn them for a phew shoots. Super comfy. I’m sure you can find them in black and red.

Edit: someone pointed out you might be talking about these boots. Totally forgot about them.  Get them here from Mr S Leather.  They’re real fishing boots and only come in black/yellow.  Though, I’m sure you can get creative with polymer paint.

Noodles and Beef Holiday Gift Guide

I needed an excuse to promote my calendar again, so here are some of my favourite things from the past year.

  1. Noodles and Beef 2014 Calendar
    A gift they’ll enjoy for at least 12 months (or until they reach the centerfold), 100% of gross proceeds go to benefit the AIDS Emergency Fund.  
    $25 Buy Here

  2. Leather Suspenders / Harness combo
    I wear these all the time, highly recommended. They start out as suspenders, but turn into a harness as the night wears on. As an added bonus, they can make you look bigger.
    $79.95 Buy Here

  3. AussieBum Jockstrap
    The most comfortable jockstrap I’ve ever worn with plenty of room in the front, and a little pouch that emphasizes what you’ve got.
    $15.50 Buy Here

  4. Mesh Singlet by GO SOFTWEAR
    With my Nasty Pig Singlet falling apart, I’ve been on the hunt for a suitable replacement. This one is just as flattering, not too deeply cut, and very package friendly.
    $49 Buy Here

  5. American Flag Thong by Slick it Up
    A gift from my friend Phil. Normally I shy away from thongs, but this is so delightfully tacky and obscene.  I love it.
    $32 Buy Here

  6. Nasty Pig Union Suit
    My new favourite PJs. They get a lot of attention.  And yes, they open in the back.
    $109.95 Buy Here

  7. GASP Tank Top
    There was a time when I dressed from a library of tank tops…and then I discovered that GASP had perfected the Tank Top. Nothing comes close in terms of flattering cut. Half my wardrobe became obsolete over night.
    $30-$40 Buy Here

  8. Priape Leather Football Shorts
    I discovered these amazing leather football shorts during the Toronto portion of my pride tour. They’re insanely comfortable, sexy, and unique.
    CAN$279.95 Buy Here

  9. Jock Short
    My favourite gym shorts. Cut at the perfect length to emphasise your thighs and utilises the rump-enhancing-frown to emphasise your ass.  Its also very package friendly.
    $54 Buy Here

Blatant calendar promo aside, I feel like these would make pretty good holiday gifts.  But, physical goods pale to the gift of an experience.  If you really want to do something special for someone valued in your life, give them an experience.  Gifts are disposable, experiences live with someone forever.

Or a get them a Noodles and Beef Calendar. Those things are awesome.

Do you buy your shoes primarily online or have any preferred brands? I've got roughly the same size feet as you and I keep finding shoes that look super awesome on the displays, but when I put them on I see that my feet goes out way past the sole and looks terrible. It's so disappointing and honestly makes me dread having to look for new shoes.

My feet are big and weird.

Once I found a pair of shoes that worked for my hoofs I gave up on being a shoe person.  I exclusively wear the Nike Free running shoe.  Its been my shoe for the last five years.  I get a new pair ever 12-18 months.  They’re $70-$90.  Highly recommend for anyone who wants a longlasting utility pair of shoes that replicate the barefoot experience without being toe shoes.

They don’t quite fit me.  My feet spill off the sides of the sole by an inch and the tongue of the shoe doesn’t cover my socks completely.  They’re still the most comfortable shoe and I’ve given up on finding anything better.

Sorry for the rant, that wasn’t what you asked.

I buy new shoes when I’ve worn a hole through my current pair.  This usually happens on vacation and requires an excursion to the nearest Nike Town.  

If you are still in the “discovery” phase of shoe shopping, check out zappos.com.  They have a one-year return policy with free shipping both-ways, so you can try a bunch of shoes without commitment before settling on something you will actually buy.

I gotta ask where you got the yellow and black swimsuit! Love it!

These yellow sunga-style swimsuit?  They’re awesome, stretchy mesh over bright yellow, it accentuates and highlights the best parts.

Here’s a better shot of them.

I’ve been hunting for them since Phil showed up in Thailand with his pair…but it looks like they’ve been discontinued.  Keep an eye out on Amazon for Rufskin Mesh Swimsuit, they randomly show up when sellers list old stuff.  Its how I snapped my pair up.

Hold on there, this is important.

Hi, I'm Noodles and Beef and welcome to my blog. How are you? Your hair looks great today. What's your secret? I think its important we get to know each other a little bit before you continue.

I've been updating this blog for over 13-years to help me remember and better appreciate my life experiences. I blog for my own benefit, so the content can be extremely personal and sometimes that makes people uncomfortable.

We just met, so I'm not sure what makes you uncomfortable.

You need to be at least 18-years-old to continue.

I agree