I am your host, Noodles and Beef, and welcome to my blog. It's my creative dumping ground and journal. I post work from my photo projects, sketches from my notepad, and infographics from my research. Sometimes I write about my body dysmorphia but more often I post photos of my butt. I am in a D/s relationship with two wonderful pups. Your hair looks amazing today.

Anyway, thanks for reading my blog, I hope you enjoy it!

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Once upon a time, I saw Noodles and Beef convince an entire country to try to exterminate the Jews. […] Moral of the story: Noodles and Beef is like, the worst person ever.

Well!  That was an interesting experiment.  Thank you, “anonymous” haters for your contributions and thank you to the majority of folks who said very nice things in this form.  

You can view results with my responses here.

What have I learned?  The few people who really dislike me aren’t able to articulate “why” they dislike me.  Nevertheless, there were some interesting responses:

  • One person tried saying I spent all night talking about myself at a bar…but I don’t go to bars.  I think they have me confused for someone else, especially since I’m not the best at socializing either.
  • Another person believes I was siphoning money from my charity project, except that their math is incorrect.  I replied with a spreadsheet of data to back this up.
  • Someone is accusing me of doing steroids and lying about it.  I’m flattered because I’m so far away from the physique of a chemically-enhanced bodybuilder.  How can I even prove this though?  I can’t take steroids because of my heart problems.  There is an OTC steroid drug test…might make for an interesting post in the future.

I think this was a success?  Its reassuring knowing that the majority of folks think I’m a good person, that I’m going in the right direction with my life.  Even the folks who hate me can’t come up with good reasons for it…and they’re the ones who read my blog the most!  Ha! :D

WOW!  What a nice surprise.  99% of the feedback I’ve received so far has been really positive.  I’m going to keep this silly feedback form open for a few more days, but I want to take a moment to recognize the wonderful advice and messages I’ve received in the last hour:
Andrew V: Apparently you’re just like the rest of us… Not perfect! Lol. I wouldn’t pay too much attention to negativity.
Travis R: you were a super sweetheart when i met you at p-town bear week 2 years ago. hope to see you there again this year!
Jose S: People are always gonna find something wrong with someone else, what they need to do is look in the mirror! We are human we all have flaws….keep up the good work noodles n beef……
Joe R: Aww that’s too bad bubby I proudly have your calendar on the wall you even communicated several times with me on getting the second calendar I ordered. Just know you will never please everyone some are just damaged goods ,hugs to you!
Mike R: As long as you have friends, you will be fine. I’m a dedicated friend.
Kevin H: Jealousy is such a bad human trait. Move on. You’re worth it.
Jay A: Their probably lifeless losers with nothing better to do !!! It’s actually very sad on there part!!!
Jason Paul D: it’s not about them hating you at all, it’s the other side of popularity and of success and fame online. This happens to every celebrity at any level, I’m shocked you don’t know this by now. As far as setting up an area to leave feedback from haters to see what the issues are? You know how that sounds? It’s like Madonna saying “Ok everybody tell me what you like and don’t like!” It’s ridiculous. You have a very unusual life to most that view you people are afraid of what they don’t understand even if it turns them on. You live a very different life than a lot of these people, hence your going to have some frenemies. If your going to ever be a revolutionary or a trail blazer than your going to have to go through times when your not very popular. So if you can accept that and just keep doing your thing you’ll be fine. Interacting with “the haters” really is contrary to who you are to those of us that have learned to know who you are. I really wouldn’t address it again I’d just keep moving forward. Don’t read the internet about yourself either, mental health rule #2 in the cyber age
Eric C: Really sad that some people have nothing better to do with their time than to stand in judgement of others. Don’t let this get to you. They’re not worth yours or anyone else’s time.
Angel P: dylan not pay attention to them, it’s people you jealous because they know that their lives were to be fabulous as ever yours, greetings and admire you!
Díarmaid R: Popular people always arouse jealousy, they really dislike themselves and transfer their negative feelings onto someone else……namely you Dylan. The rest of your followers love you 
Glenn R: I know this is cliche, but haters just gonna hate. Don’t spend your precious life cycles giving them one bit of your time.
Philip S: I think you are magnificent on the outside and in,you selfless you gave the proceeds from your calendar to a good cause,i think you are handsome and generous.
Jay C: They’re just jealous! Plain and simple. You’re an adorable, fun, sexy stud. Nothing wrong with that at all. Screw them.
Mark R: Sh@t like this always amazes me - that folks either choose to expend that kind of energy on negative crap, or worse, they’re somehow compelled because they’re just ‘wired’ that way. (I use this stuff as a reminder to myself about the importance of ‘choosing joy’ always.)
James C: I like what you put Dylan. yes other than vague nasty comments you want to know how( if )you have upset someone. and you kind of feedback to improve as a person very brilliant comeback. life is a lerning curve. but remember we cannot be liked by everyone. x
Matthew HG: I tried to enter my complaint that you sometimes are dressed in articles of clothing other than an American flag thong and I was REJECTED!! I need a new forum for THIS complaint!!!
Thom C: Remember my mantra: Never argue with the mentally inferior. It’s not a fair fight. I think this one wouldn’t win an debate with an infant….
Glenn: There shall be haters always. Ignore. Flex for us. Move on.
Thats just a handful of them.  Thank you, everyone, for being so cool.  To think I let the haters bother me with their unsubstantiated hate mail!
#teamnoodles

WOW!  What a nice surprise.  99% of the feedback I’ve received so far has been really positive.  I’m going to keep this silly feedback form open for a few more days, but I want to take a moment to recognize the wonderful advice and messages I’ve received in the last hour:

  • Andrew V: Apparently you’re just like the rest of us… Not perfect! Lol. I wouldn’t pay too much attention to negativity.
  • Travis R: you were a super sweetheart when i met you at p-town bear week 2 years ago. hope to see you there again this year!
  • Jose S: People are always gonna find something wrong with someone else, what they need to do is look in the mirror! We are human we all have flaws….keep up the good work noodles n beef……
  • Joe R: Aww that’s too bad bubby I proudly have your calendar on the wall you even communicated several times with me on getting the second calendar I ordered. Just know you will never please everyone some are just damaged goods ,hugs to you!
  • Mike R: As long as you have friends, you will be fine. I’m a dedicated friend.
  • Kevin H: Jealousy is such a bad human trait. Move on. You’re worth it.
  • Jay A: Their probably lifeless losers with nothing better to do !!! It’s actually very sad on there part!!!
  • Jason Paul D: it’s not about them hating you at all, it’s the other side of popularity and of success and fame online. This happens to every celebrity at any level, I’m shocked you don’t know this by now. As far as setting up an area to leave feedback from haters to see what the issues are? You know how that sounds? It’s like Madonna saying “Ok everybody tell me what you like and don’t like!” It’s ridiculous. You have a very unusual life to most that view you people are afraid of what they don’t understand even if it turns them on. You live a very different life than a lot of these people, hence your going to have some frenemies. If your going to ever be a revolutionary or a trail blazer than your going to have to go through times when your not very popular. So if you can accept that and just keep doing your thing you’ll be fine. 
    Interacting with “the haters” really is contrary to who you are to those of us that have learned to know who you are. I really wouldn’t address it again I’d just keep moving forward. Don’t read the internet about yourself either, mental health rule #2 in the cyber age
  • Eric C: Really sad that some people have nothing better to do with their time than to stand in judgement of others. Don’t let this get to you. They’re not worth yours or anyone else’s time.
  • Angel P: dylan not pay attention to them, it’s people you jealous because they know that their lives were to be fabulous as ever yours, greetings and admire you!
  • Díarmaid R: Popular people always arouse jealousy, they really dislike themselves and transfer their negative feelings onto someone else……namely you Dylan. The rest of your followers love you 
  • Glenn R: I know this is cliche, but haters just gonna hate. Don’t spend your precious life cycles giving them one bit of your time.
  • Philip S: I think you are magnificent on the outside and in,you selfless you gave the proceeds from your calendar to a good cause,i think you are handsome and generous.
  • Jay C: They’re just jealous! Plain and simple. You’re an adorable, fun, sexy stud. Nothing wrong with that at all. Screw them.
  • Mark R: Sh@t like this always amazes me - that folks either choose to expend that kind of energy on negative crap, or worse, they’re somehow compelled because they’re just ‘wired’ that way. (I use this stuff as a reminder to myself about the importance of ‘choosing joy’ always.)
  • James C: I like what you put Dylan. yes other than vague nasty comments you want to know how( if )you have upset someone. and you kind of feedback to improve as a person very brilliant comeback. life is a lerning curve. but remember we cannot be liked by everyone. x
  • Matthew HG: I tried to enter my complaint that you sometimes are dressed in articles of clothing other than an American flag thong and I was REJECTED!! I need a new forum for THIS complaint!!!
  • Thom C: Remember my mantra: Never argue with the mentally inferior. It’s not a fair fight. I think this one wouldn’t win an debate with an infant….
  • Glenn: There shall be haters always. Ignore. Flex for us. Move on.

Thats just a handful of them.  Thank you, everyone, for being so cool.  To think I let the haters bother me with their unsubstantiated hate mail!

#teamnoodles

I have some haters.  They’re a little obsessed.
A distinct minority, but they’re very vocal.  Despite this, they never have anything of substance to say.  Its very frustrating.  All they do is share vaguely that I’m a bad person without actually explaining why or how I’m a bad person.
I usually ignore this stuff, but I want to try something different because even the anons are having trouble identifying why I’m so horrible.

Dear anonymous haters,
Hi, its me, Noodles and Beef.  As you know from reading my blog, I’m obsessed with improving myself.  From my attempts at bodybuilding to my recent charity projects, I’m always looking for ways to be more.  If I really am a horrible person, I want to know why so I can make amends and better myself.
Of course, I can’t do this if the only feedback I get is vague statements like “noodlesandbeef is the worse human being ever.”  I need details.
Here’s your opportunity to give me feedback.  I’ve created a public form that will let you anonymously give me feedback on something horrible I’ve actually done.  Here you go: http://bit.ly/1rkjYAk
This is extremely public.  If you can prove that I am horrible, you should do it.  I dare you.  I will hold nothing against you; I simply want to make peace with you and learn from my mistakes.
What happens if nothing shows up?  Then the anonymous cowards are actually horrible people with nothing better to do than try to take down a fellow human.  I will use this very public response to invalidate any future attacks.
Bring it on,
Noodles and beef

URL for the form in case you missed it: http://bit.ly/1rkjYAk

Edit 1 at 1:38pm:

"Please state publicly what you will accept as ""proof"" that you are a horrible person.  In addition to a general definition of ""proof"" for the purposes if this whole exercise, please provide examples of what you would consider adequate proof and what you would not. 
Define clearly for us your interpretation of “”horrible.”” Also provide positive and negative examples as with your definition of “”proof.”“
I think it’s to everybody’s benefit to make it clear what’s being asked. 
I will submit details once you publicly post all of the above to my satisfaction. “

A valid point!  What constitutes as “proof” and “horrible” in this situation?
Summarizing all hate mail I’ve ever received, calling me a horrible person seems to mean I did something that negatively affected someone else.  Examples: rape, public humiliation, black mail, etc…
How do you prove this? Describe what happened and give me an accurate date and location.  I keep meticulous record of my location and activities through automatic tracking and can easily verify any claims. If it happened online, you can provide a URL of the event.
The goal is making amends and becoming a better person. If I did something horrible I want to learn from my mistake and apologize.  So keep this in mind.  I’ve broken hearts in previous relationships and have tried my best to make amends while improving myself, but some exes refuse to move on.  This cannot be helped.  Some people disagree with how I present myself on my blog and have told me I’m a horrible person because they don’t like the content I post.  This also cannot be helped because this is a journal that I write for myself.
I can’t make everyone happy. But, I can make myself better.

I have some haters.  They’re a little obsessed.

A distinct minority, but they’re very vocal.  Despite this, they never have anything of substance to say.  Its very frustrating.  All they do is share vaguely that I’m a bad person without actually explaining why or how I’m a bad person.

I usually ignore this stuff, but I want to try something different because even the anons are having trouble identifying why I’m so horrible.

Dear anonymous haters,

Hi, its me, Noodles and Beef.  As you know from reading my blog, I’m obsessed with improving myself.  From my attempts at bodybuilding to my recent charity projects, I’m always looking for ways to be more.  If I really am a horrible person, I want to know why so I can make amends and better myself.

Of course, I can’t do this if the only feedback I get is vague statements like “noodlesandbeef is the worse human being ever.”  I need details.

Here’s your opportunity to give me feedback.  I’ve created a public form that will let you anonymously give me feedback on something horrible I’ve actually done.  Here you go: http://bit.ly/1rkjYAk

This is extremely public.  If you can prove that I am horrible, you should do it.  I dare you.  I will hold nothing against you; I simply want to make peace with you and learn from my mistakes.

What happens if nothing shows up?  Then the anonymous cowards are actually horrible people with nothing better to do than try to take down a fellow human.  I will use this very public response to invalidate any future attacks.

Bring it on,

Noodles and beef

URL for the form in case you missed it: http://bit.ly/1rkjYAk

Edit 1 at 1:38pm:

"Please state publicly what you will accept as ""proof"" that you are a horrible person.  In addition to a general definition of ""proof"" for the purposes if this whole exercise, please provide examples of what you would consider adequate proof and what you would not. 

Define clearly for us your interpretation of “”horrible.”” Also provide positive and negative examples as with your definition of “”proof.”“

I think it’s to everybody’s benefit to make it clear what’s being asked. 

I will submit details once you publicly post all of the above to my satisfaction. “

A valid point!  What constitutes as “proof” and “horrible” in this situation?

Summarizing all hate mail I’ve ever received, calling me a horrible person seems to mean I did something that negatively affected someone else.  Examples: rape, public humiliation, black mail, etc…

How do you prove this? Describe what happened and give me an accurate date and location.  I keep meticulous record of my location and activities through automatic tracking and can easily verify any claims. If it happened online, you can provide a URL of the event.

The goal is making amends and becoming a better person. If I did something horrible I want to learn from my mistake and apologize.  So keep this in mind.  I’ve broken hearts in previous relationships and have tried my best to make amends while improving myself, but some exes refuse to move on.  This cannot be helped.  Some people disagree with how I present myself on my blog and have told me I’m a horrible person because they don’t like the content I post.  This also cannot be helped because this is a journal that I write for myself.

I can’t make everyone happy. But, I can make myself better.

Geeze, lil’ pup is defined.  Look at him!
I’m taking this as a progress shot…he’s really toned up since I first collared him and he can’t wait to start bulking.

Geeze, lil’ pup is defined.  Look at him!

I’m taking this as a progress shot…he’s really toned up since I first collared him and he can’t wait to start bulking.

Top row: me at 230lbs a couple years back.
Bottom row: me at 230lbs now.
This is the first time I’ve been 230lbs in over two years, and I’m freaking out a little because I think I’m not making progress.  Its important to compare myself at 230lbs then versus now.
Arms are +1.5” larger
Chest is +½” larger
Thighs and butt are +½” larger
Shoulders are +5” broader (this is a weird measurement because growth in my upper back and chest can skew accuracy)
But, most importantly, my midsection is -8” smaller
I might be the same weight, but my midsection is much smaller.  This means my overall bodyfat is lower, hence why I’m more defined.  
I was freaking out because I feel like I haven’t made much progress in two years (like my arms are barely bigger), but I am much leaner.  That means I probably experienced a lot of muscle growth, but because of the fat loss, its harder to measure.  All I know is I’m more defined and my proportions are better.

Top row: me at 230lbs a couple years back.

Bottom row: me at 230lbs now.

This is the first time I’ve been 230lbs in over two years, and I’m freaking out a little because I think I’m not making progress.  Its important to compare myself at 230lbs then versus now.

  • Arms are +1.5” larger
  • Chest is +½” larger
  • Thighs and butt are +½” larger
  • Shoulders are +5” broader (this is a weird measurement because growth in my upper back and chest can skew accuracy)
  • But, most importantly, my midsection is -8” smaller

I might be the same weight, but my midsection is much smaller.  This means my overall bodyfat is lower, hence why I’m more defined.  

I was freaking out because I feel like I haven’t made much progress in two years (like my arms are barely bigger), but I am much leaner.  That means I probably experienced a lot of muscle growth, but because of the fat loss, its harder to measure.  All I know is I’m more defined and my proportions are better.

Have you ever been tested with regard to your IQ and such? Your very intelligent. I read your blog, mainly, for your witty/super intelligent postings.
Anonymous

image

I took a standardized IQ test when I was 21.  I don’t remember which one.  My favourite questions were the silly spatial ones, like turning a right-handed glove inside-out makes it a left-handed glove.

In the same way that the SATs aren’t an accurate representation of a student’s abilities, I don’t think IQ is an accurate metric for intelligence.  IQ tests don’t measure for Emotional Intelligence or creative ability, and are bias towards people with linguistic intelligence.

I did well on the test, but I wouldn’t call myself “intelligent” because these tests aren’t accurate measures of human intelligence as a whole.  It seems so arrogant to proclaim yourself “intelligent” because of a test score when there are so many other dimensions to human intelligence.

Photo is unrelated.

Also we went to Ranch 99, which is an Asian super market. I looove foreign food markets. All the exotic foods, brands and flavours I have never heard of, live animals in the butcher window.  So fun.

We were actually there to get lil’ pup sun screen, but everything had skin whitener in it.

What is Chuck taking/eating that he gained 10 lbs in a week? Tell us the secrets!!!
Anonymous

image

Chuck is here, so he’ll answer your question:

Chuck says:

I have six gainer shakes a day.  

Yes, six.  One when I wake up, one before gym, after gym, with lunch, after work, and before bed.

I take Optimum Nutrition Pro Complex Gainer with two cups of 2% milk.  (Dylan note: together, thats 80g protein, 1,000 calories, 100g carbs)

For breakfast I eat Van’s Brown Rice Waffles.  Yeah.  Letsee, two of those.  And then.  Lunch and dinner are variable, but always include some sort of brown rice or quinoa.  Lotsa of protein and vegetables.  

And then I have snacks: cheese sticks, brie with brown rice crackers, and protein bars. And whole raw almonds.

Chuck edit #1:

Oops, forgot my supplements.  No steroids, I don’t take creatine because of the caffeine I drink, Magnum Nutraceuticals Primer, CoQ10, Fish Oil, and thats all that I’m really taking.

Oh, and pre-workout, No2 Booster like NOXPLODE.

Here’s my commentary:

Chuck has a very receptive body to weight training and diet.  He’s kind of a natural at gaining weight, which can be a double-edged sword.  He doesn’t require much chemical assistance, its all about diet.  So I’m putting him on a “clean bulk” diet.  He’s allowed to have complex carbs like quinoa or brown rice and dairy.  

Latkes and Lamb with my pups and Chuck for passover.

Latkes were done hors d’oeuvres style: tiny potato pancakes with dozens of toppings. Classic apple sauce and sour cream, fruit and cream fraiche, preserves, honey, a charcuterie board, four kind of cheese, and lox.


Hold on there, this is important.

Hi, I'm Noodles and Beef and welcome to my blog. How are you? Your hair looks great today. What's your secret? I think its important we get to know each other a little bit before you continue.

I've been updating this blog for over 13-years to help me remember and better appreciate my life experiences. I blog for my own benefit, so the content can be extremely personal and sometimes that makes people uncomfortable.

We just met, so I'm not sure what makes you uncomfortable.

You need to be at least 18-years-old to continue.


I agree